


Hidden in the Sun

by MollyPollyKinz



Series: Hidden in the Sun [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: And Riku has a brother, Angst, But Only Sorta, But in an alternate dimension so..., Character Death, Dark Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Dimension Travel, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Final Fantasy VII - Freeform, Final Fantasy XV - Freeform, Gen, Guilt, Hurt Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, OOC Riku, On Hiatus, Organization XIII - Freeform, Past Child Abuse, Post-Kingdom Hearts III - Re Mind DLC, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Kingdom Hearts: Melody of Memory, Queerplatonic Relationships, Riku Angst (Kingdom Hearts), Riku has a bad time, Riku's dad is a jerk, Riku-centric (Kingdom Hearts), Self-Hatred, Spoilers for all the previous games, Suicidal Thoughts, Terra being a dad, Time Travel, Written pre Melody of Memory, good Riku is our main protagonist, in an alternate dimension, it's not graphic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MollyPollyKinz/pseuds/MollyPollyKinz
Summary: “Riku,” Kairi said in a cold, but certainly not composed, voice, “You dare show yourself with that face here after what you did?”Riku was taking a break from the search for Sora when a bright light transports him to another universe. Now he has to deal with friends who hate him for a crime he doesn't even remember committing.Kairi is angry; Terra is confused; Axel likes burning things; and Xion has turned on Mom mode. Meanwhile, Riku hasn't quite gotten over the fact that Ventus isolderthan him.
Relationships: Aqua/Terra (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Naminé & Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Roxas/Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Hidden in the Sun [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959451
Comments: 66
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

It was almost funny how one of the biggest journeys of Riku's life had one of the smallest beginnings. 

RIku was visiting Namine at Destiny Islands when it all began, and at the time, Riku wasn’t sure what to do. He had searched for Sora for over a year, and they still couldn’t find him anywhere. 

Part of Riku wondered if he shouldn’t just give Sora up for lost. Of course, that thought was quickly shaken off. Sora would never give up on Riku, and Riku wasn’t going to give up on Sora. Sora was out there somewhere, and Riku was going to discover exactly where Sora was if it killed him.

Walking up to the entrance of the mayor’s house, Riku knocked loudly on the door. It opened, revealing Namine, who was wearing a white sweater and jeans, behind it.

“Riku,” she said, “It’s good to see you again.”

Riku nodded and smiled. “It’s good to see you too, Namine. I brought coffee.” He held up the two cups of coffee he had bought on his way there.

Namine smiled softly. “Thanks,” she said quietly and ushered Riku inside.

The coffee tradition began back when Namine was returning Sora’s memories. DiZ drove her like a slave, and Namine was hard pressed to find any breaks. Even her sleep schedule was exactly that: scheduled for seven hours in the day.

It enraged Riku to see Namine treated like that, but he himself was so focused on helping get Sora back in every way that he could. As much as he had hated to acknowledge it, DIZ was their temporary ally, and he couldn’t afford to make an enemy out of their only hope to help Sora.

~~The smaller, more vengeful part of his mind secretly believed that Namine had this coming for messing with Sora’s memories in the first place.~~

Riku had done his best to dispell such thoughts at the time. It wasn’t Namine’s fault that Organization XIII had kidnapped and forced her to do their bidding.

Nevertheless, Riku would try to help Namine with smaller mercies. When he noticed that her crayons were becoming nubs, Riku would give her a couple more boxes he bought at the store. Whenever she hadn’t had time to eat, Riku would bring her some food.

Things had gotten particularly bad when Roxas and Xion had started siphoning off Sora’s memories. Namine was working harder and harder in an attempt to regain those memories before she had eventually given up on the venture and admitted that the only way to succeed was to either eliminate or persuade the Nobody and Replica. Before she came to this realization, however, she began working past her sleep schedule.

On one very frightening day, Riku was dropping by after talking with Xion on the beach. There, he heard the soft sound of snoring where Namine should be working.

In a panic, Riku started to walk up to Namine and wake her up, but DiZ chose that moment to enter the room.

The day ended with Riku and Namine both having a panic attack in a closet. Riku had tried to defend Namine, but it only got them both shoved into the small, dark space. Namine had clutched onto Riku for dear life, and both of them were crying like children, which they were.

After that, Riku had vowed that the incident would never happen again, and every time he stopped by, he was sure to give Namine some coffee he had bought at Twilight Town.

When they first began the hunt for Sora, Riku was slightly worried that the coffee would be triggering to Namine. Namine pointed out that she had changed her favorite flavor, and the Destiny Islands coffee was different from the one that had half tasted like stress in Twilight Town.

“I’ve switched to paints though,” she had informed him, “So, try not to bring crayons.”

That was fair enough. Crayons had dictated Namine’s life in and out the Organization. Paint was better.

Now, as Riku handed Namine her coffee and they sat down in Kairi’s old living room, Riku was half glad and half sad that he wasn’t living the old life. Of course, life with DiZ had been nothing short of a nightmare, and he was very happy that Namine was no longer in such a situation, but Riku missed knowing _where_ Sora was at least.

Kairi had been asleep for over a year. Sora was missing. Aqua, Terra, and Ven were searching the realm of darkness. Axel, Roxas, and Xion were searching for Sora elsewhere, and Mickey, Donald, and Goofy were doing the same.

Apart from the Radiant Garden crew, Riku would have been completely and utterly alone if not for Namine.

“Any luck?” Namine asked, almost as if reciting a script. They both knew the answer.

“No,” Riku admitted, “How’s life here?”

Namine was silent for a moment. “It’s lovely,” she said, “And I really do like it here, but I want to help find Sora.”

Riku felt a shock go down his spine. “Really?” he asked, “I’ve got nothing against that, but are you sure you want to—”

“I’m sure,” Namine said, “I can’t connect to his memories the way I used to, but I can still at least try to help. I want to train with a keyblade. I don’t want to be helpless anymore.”

“First of all, you transcended from helpless a long time ago,” Riku informed the girl sitting in front of him, “Second of all, I appreciate your determination, but can you summon a keyblade?”

Namine held up her hand and closed her eyes. Riku watched as she took a deep breath. There was a _shing_ sound, and a white keyblade with a hilt that looked like a thousand sunrises materialized in her hand.

“Wow,” Riku said, “It’s…beautiful. Do you want to train with Merlin? I can—”

Namine shook her head and looked like she wanted to speak. Riku waited silently for her to summon up the courage to say whatever she wanted to say. “If it were alright with you…” Her features hardened into something akin to determination, “I want you to train me. Please.”

A shocked silence filled the room. Riku stared into Namine’s determined blue eyes, and suddenly understood. Of course, she wouldn’t want to train under an old man. It was truly a miracle that she had grown comfortable around Kairi’s adoptive father, and that was in part because he wasn’t around as often as Kairi’s adoptive mother was.

Part of Riku couldn’t understand why she would choose Riku instead of someone else, but that somewhat made sense too. Axel couldn’t be trusted, not truly. Sure, Lea had proven himself to be trustworthy, but that doesn’t make trauma go away. Sora or Kairi would’ve been fine, but they’re unavailable. Roxas was joined to the hip with Axel and Xion, and Namine didn’t really know the older trio.

Riku was literally the only person available that she trusted to teach him.

It might’ve run deeper than that, but Riku was too afraid of the connotations behind it. The trust that one could put in him. It was a foreign enough sensation with Sora and Kairi and Mickey. He didn’t want to add another person on the list. Then again, hadn’t he already? Namine had been trusting him from the beginning.

“Okay,” Riku said, removing himself from his thoughts, “Do you want to start now?”

“That leads to another thing,” Namine said, “I want you to take a break first.”

Riku blinked in surprise. “Isn’t that what I’m doing right now?”

“No,” Namine said, “This does not count. You need to take a longer break, like a vacation.”

“Nobody else is taking a vacation, and Sora—”

“You’re not going to be any help to Sora if you wear yourself into the ground,” Namine said, “I want you to take a break, and then if you wanted, you can train me in the keyblade while you looked for Sora.”

Riku had a feeling that he wasn’t going to hear the end of it if he didn’t concede the point. Still, Riku couldn’t remember the last time he had taken a break, with the exception of the time before the Mark of Mastery Exam…that was probably the point Namine was trying to make.

“Okay,” Riku sighed, “Okay, I’ll take a break. It’s a good time of year on the islands anyway. I need to visit Sora’s mother anyway, and I’ll—”

“Your father has been asking about you,” Namine said suddenly, “He stopped by on my way back from the beach and asked if I had seen you.”

Riku felt his ears ring. “My father spoke to you?” Hot rage filled his body, but Riku took some meditative breaths.

Namine nodded. “He keeps asking about you. I always tell him that I barely know you because he always gives me a bad feeling. I’m sorry if that’s—”

“No,” Riku said forcefully, “That was perfect. Thank you.” He took some more deep breaths. “If he harasses you, get the police.”

"Okay." 

They continued to drink their coffee, and Riku wished he could think of something to say to breach the silence. Still, it wasn't overly uncomfortable, so the quiet remained. 

Upon finishing his coffee, Riku stood up. "I guess I'll get going."

Namine grabbed Riku's hand. "Let me go with you, please," she said. 

Namine gave Riku a look so full of determination that he couldn't find it within himself to say no. Besides, it wasn't like Riku minded company, and it would be a nice change of pace to have a friend by his side. 

"Alright." Namine beamed, and Riku looked away. "I want to head down to the beach first. Then, we can go down to Sora's mother's house."

Riku didn't really know why he wanted to go to the shore. Maybe he was harboring some childish hope that Sora would send them a message in a bottle. Maybe he just wanted to take himself back to a time where the only thing he had to worry about was running away from home. 

They walked down to the shore, and Riku watched as Namine picked up a colorful shell.

“For Xion,” she explained. Riku nodded.

“Makes sense.”

Namine smiled and waded out into the water, completely disregarding the fact that her jeans were getting wet. “Come on, Riku!”

Riku smiled in spite of himself. “I like to be dry. Thank you very much!”

“You’re missing out,” Namine replied, “The waves are pretty gentle today.”

Riku rolled his eyes, smiling wider. He tried to push away the guilt of enjoying himself while Sora was missing and almost succeeded. Then, something bright caught his eye.

“Hey, Namine, you see that?”

Namine looked in the direction Riku was pointing. The light was steadily expanding. Suddenly, there was a burst of heat and everything flashed white.

Riku was lying in the grass, it seemed. Slowly, he got to his feet and looked around him.

“Namine?” he called out in confusion.

The Mysterious Tower was in the distance. That was good, at least. Yen Sid might have some insight on what happened. Namine, unfortunately, was nowhere in sight. Axel, however, was leaning against one of the trees near the tower.

“Hey Axel!” Riku called out, running toward him, “Do you know—”

Riku was cut short by a keyblade pointed at his neck. More specifically, Axel’s keyblade at his neck. Riku glanced up in confusion, and began to open his mouth—

“Don’t say anything,” Axel, or Lea (Was that what he did wrong?), said with ill-disguised hatred. A tear rolled down the young man’s cheek. “Don’t say anything or I swear I’ll do it.”

Riku bit his tongue before a the questions swirling around his mind began tumbling out. Namely, _why was Axel so angry?_

On that note, didn’t Axel seem strange? Riku had just thought of him as a young man, but he no longer looked that young. Sure, he wasn’t _old_ , or even middle aged, but there were lines on his face that Riku could’ve sworn weren’t there before.

Riku watched as Axel pulled out his Gummi Phone and texted someone. Before he knew it, Aqua, who’s hair was in a bun (and since when was Aqua’s hair long enough for that? Did time go by for a longer amount of time in the realm of darkness?), was there, tying chains around Riku’s wrists.

Part of Riku wondered if this just wasn’t everyone acting upon his crimes from a couple of years back. Another part of him wondered if he had gone insane.

Riku didn’t speak. Axel still hadn’t lowered his keyblade, and Riku knew that he would not hesitate. Instead, he let himself be silently marched up the steps of the mysterious tower towards Master Yen Sid’s room.

Riku could hear Kairi shouting from behind the door. “I don’t care why he did it!” She sounded older, more mature, and a whole ton angrier that he had ever heard Kairi. Riku felt a mixture of pride and confusion. Pride because Kairi was finally growing a backbone. Confusion because _wasn’t she supposed to be asleep?_ “I want him gone!”

Who does she want gone? Did it have anything to do with everyone’s hatred for him? Those questions and more echoed in his head to the rhythm of Riku's heartbeat as Aqua opened the door and shoved him through the entrance. His knees hit the ground with a painful thump.

“You might just get your wish, Kairi,” Axel said.

And suddenly Riku understood. First of all, Ventus, Roxas, and Xion were all taller than when Riku had seen them last. Second of all, regardless of height, everyone was certainly _older._ Roxas and Ventus had to be at least equivalent to twenty years old. Kairi’s hair was tied up into a ponytail, Namine’s hair was in a braid to the side, and Riku knew at that point that he was at least in the future.

_Were those children hiding behind the desk?_

Kairi summoned her keyblade and pointed it at Riku’s neck. It shook erratically, and Riku noticed that Kairi’s eyes were red with what must’ve been tears.

What had Riku done to warrant this kind of treatment in the future?

“Riku,” Kairi said in a cold, but certainly not composed, voice, “You dare show yourself with that face here after what you did?”

Riku glanced up at Aqua, who nodded. He was supposed to reply.

“I know this will probably sound like the wrong answer,” Riku said cautiously, “I’m really sorry for whatever horrible, monstrous thing I did, but could you tell me what I did?”

Kairi growled. “Don’t pretend. You don’t get to do that. You’ve tried it before, and it didn’t work. You’re a murderer and a liar, and I will not fall for any more of your mind games.”

Riku had all of the information he needed. He didn’t need to hear anything else.

“Okay,” Riku said quietly, “Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Not one word in your defense?” Kairi asked, sounding almost insulted at the lack of opposition.

Riku glanced up at the others, and saw that they were all looking at him with a terrible fury. Mickey was staring at him with a hard glare. Namine refused to look at him. Terra had this terrible face of disappointment mixed with anger.

Riku closed his eyes. He couldn’t face them anymore. “Nothing I would say would change your mind. That much is obvious. Just tell me, is Sora here?”

Wrong thing to say. That was very much the wrong thing to say. Everyone immediately drew their keyblades, and Aqua immediately tied a gag around Riku’s mouth. Kairi was screaming at him, but Riku couldn’t focus on the words. Because the first thing that had come out of Kairi’s mouth was:

“You dare ask that after you kill him!?”

Riku was shaking as he was led toward an empty bedroom. Questions oppressed him, but Riku couldn’t focus on any of it.

_You killed him. You killed him. You killed him._

Sora was dead, and Riku had killed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic, so constructive criticism is welcome. Just be nice about it please. Future disclaimer, sorry if I depict PTSD or any other mental health issues incorrectly; advice is also welcome. Also, if I forget to tag something important, please tell me. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience and support. :)
> 
> Also, please comment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a clash of thunder, and Riku stared at his other self as the rained poured. Suddenly, everything made sense. Everything Riku wasn’t sure about, everything Riku questioned. It all made sense.
> 
> The reason everyone hated him, despite the fact that he looked years younger, was standing right in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: panic attacks, dissociation, major character death in flashback, some violence

Riku was chained to the wall in the recently emptied bedroom. There was a light rectangle on the wood floor where a rug used to be.

At least it wasn’t a small bedroom. Riku would’ve had a harder time dealing with claustrophobia.

Riku was fed. Aqua came in twice a day and un-gagged him so that he could eat an adequate amount of food for survival, otherwise known as a sandwich and glass of water. His stomach had roared at first, but Riku was used to being hungry. He was never actually good at feeding himself ever since the storm, and before that, his father wasn’t good at feeding both of them.

Now, Riku was sitting with his head against the wall, trying not to think. The idea that Riku had killed Sora at some point in the future was mind numbing. Why would he do something like that? Sure, the darkness and his own stupidity had caused him to threaten Sora before, but that was years ago now. There was no reason for Riku to kill Sora, especially now that he was trying so hard to get him back.

Then again, a dark voice in his mind whispered, circumstances change. Motivations change. Hearts change.

The door creaked open, and Terra entered, looking extremely bedraggled. Dark bags circled his eyes, and the beginnings of a beard were creeping around Terra’s chin.

“Remember when we first met?” Terra asked.

Riku did remember. He remembered as clear as day.

Terra, who obviously wanted an answer, freed Riku from his gag so that he could speak. Riku took a couple of deep breaths before answering, his voice empty and devoid of emotion.

“In your hand, take this key, so as long as you have the makings, through this simple act of taking, it’s wielder you may one day be. And you will find me friend…” Riku swallowed. “No ocean will contain you then. No borders around, or below, or above, as long as you champion the ones you love.”

Terra was where all of this began. It was fitting that Riku would be confronted by him first.

Terra’s face hardened. “You didn’t do it.” His tone was harsh, accusing.

Riku deserved this. How many nights had kept Riku up with images of Terra accusing him, telling him he failed, telling him that he couldn’t hold onto his own keyblade? What sort of keyblade master gives into the darkness the first time they make contact with it?

Despite the fact that Terra had forgiven him in Riku’s time, Riku couldn’t help but to be refreshed at this Terra’s accusations.

That didn’t stop him from growing more and more detached from the situation.

“You’re right,” was all Riku said, “I’m sorry.”

There was a grim amusement in Terra’s voice when he next spoke. An amusement that meant that he wasn’t amused at all.

“Don’t lie to me.”

Riku felt his heart stutter.

“You’ve _never_ been sorry,” Terra continued, “After all of the things you’ve done, you have never been sorry. So, don’t pretend you suddenly had a change of heart.”

Riku winced. “I’m sorry,” he said again, despite his better judgement.

“ _Don’t_ _lie_ to _me_ ,” Terra said, his face contorting to a scowl.

Riku closed his eyes and leaned further against the cold wall. Terra let out a loud sigh. When Riku opened his eyes again, Terra was sitting down, leaning against the wall across from him.

“You were such a bright kid,” Terra said, almost talking to himself, “What went wrong?”

Riku decided to answer anyway. “I was desperate.”

Terra looked up sharply. “What was that?”

Riku couldn’t bring himself to care that Terra didn’t seem happy with Riku’s admission. He felt that maybe if he could explain what happened, even if he didn’t know what circumstances that led to Sora’s murder, he could alleviate some of this crushing guilt on his chest.

“I don’t know why I killed Sora, or even what led to it,” Riku continued, earning a _“Yeah right”_ from Terra. “But in the beginning, when we first left Destiny Islands, I was desperate. My mother had been long dead, my father was drunker than ever, and I needed a way out. So, when the door opened, I knew it was my chance.”

“You ended up destroying your world,” Terra said mercilessly.

Riku closed his eyes again. “I know,” he whispered, “I was being an idiot. And when I thought Sora had moved on from me and made knew friends…I felt abandoned. Cast aside. Unwanted.” Riku let out a dry chuckle. “So, I went to where I was wanted. Maleficent wanted me, or so I thought. Power seemed to earn value, so I kept digging for it.”

“But Sora did care about you,” Terra countered, seeming to be calming down, “Why couldn’t you see that?”

“I was still angry,” Riku explained, not opening his eyes, “And I was being power hungry. Basically, I was being an idiot.”

“What about after Sora freed you from Ansem’s control? Why didn’t you stop then if you see so clearly now that you were wrong?”

“I—” Riku opened his eyes suddenly. “What do you mean?”

Terra’s face, which had been almost neutral for a moment, hardened again, “I meant what I said. Why didn’t you give up the darkness after Sora freed you from Ansem instead of embracing it again?”

“I, I _did_ give up the darkness,” Riku said, his heart rate suddenly escalating, “I went to castle oblivion and constantly rejected the darkness. I even fought a _clone_ of myself. Then, I used it as a tool, but that didn’t mean I followed it or let it consume me.”

Well, that wasn’t technically correct.

“I mean, I did use the darkness to take Roxas,” Riku muttered, “I let it consume me then, but it was to wake Sora. But, after I returned to my true form, I sealed the darkness in my heart away. It was to the point that the organization couldn’t use me to be one of their vessels, which is why they went after Sora.”

It was Terra’s turn to be confused, it seemed.

“What are you talking about? You literally joined Organization XIII after the events of castle oblivion.”

Riku frowned, suddenly not feeling detached at all. “No, I wore one of their coats, but that was just to protect myself from the darkness. I was literally attacked by Xion because the Organization saw me as an imposter.”

There was a strange pause as Terra and Riku stared at each other in confusion. Then, Terra stood up.

“I don’t know what game you’re playing at, but I’m not going to listen to it anymore.”

Riku didn’t struggle as Terra re-gagged him. Instead, he tried to process this information. Terra didn’t seem to know anything about what happened at Castle Oblivion, despite Riku telling him himself.

What could it mean?

Aqua came next. She didn’t take Riku’s gag off.

As a matter of fact, she simply stared at Riku for a long time, as if surveying the boy in front of her. Riku didn’t mind the scrutiny, but he thought it was somewhat strange. Where were the accusations? Where was the judgement?

Riku supposed the staring at him calculatingly was a form of judgement, but it sure didn’t look like one.

Finally, she started talking. “You know, when I first heard the news, I panicked. I left the children with Terra and went to Kairi as fast as I could. Then, in the midst of my fear, I was _so_ glad that you hadn’t come to me. I was so glad you hadn’t threatened my children and killed Terra.”

She let her hand run down her face. “Do you realize how horrible that made me feel? I felt like a monster. Kairi was grieving for her dead husband, and I was just grateful it hadn’t happened to me.”

Riku wanted to speak. He wanted to tell Aqua that there was nothing wrong with not wanting harm to come upon her loved ones. There was nothing wrong for being grateful for the little things in life, despite the fact that it makes you feel horrible. It didn’t change the fact that she was also grieving for Sora.

“Seeing you come here,” Aqua continued, “Seeing how young you are? It makes me think of when you were all younger. When you were all simply children, playing on those islands.”

Riku thought about that time a lot. Sora’s dad seemed to understand that something wasn’t right in Riku’s house, so every opportunity they had, he would take them to the play island. Those days were probably the best days in his life.

They had no idea of the trials they were going to face. The only clue was two keyblade masters that they happened to meet, almost by chance.

Also, the fact that Sora literally housed Ventus in his heart for eleven years, but that didn’t really count, considering that Sora forgot the affair.

There was also Kairi, an amnesiac girl who washed up on the islands one day. That was a decent clue.

On second thought, they were just naïve kids that didn’t watch for the signs of the struggle ahead until it was right underneath their noses.

To be fair, Riku was slightly more concerned with the struggle happening inside his house at the time to be overly concerned with the future.

“You know when I met you? I told myself not to bequeath Sora, because our friendship had fallen apart with the competition concerning the mark of mastery and all the other crap we had going on.” Aqua chuckled dryly. “Back when that’s what we cared about, being keyblade masters. Not that it helped. All three of you ended up with keyblades anyway.”

And it had worked out. At least at first. Riku had gotten his mark of mastery, but Sora had never held it against him. Then again, Sora was good at hiding his feelings behind a cheerful mask. When they found Sora, Riku was going to make sure that Sora got his mark of mastery.

Not that it mattered currently.

“You really scared Terra the other day,” Aqua said harshly, “I don’t know exactly what you said, except that you were under the impression that you lived a very different series of events than what actually happened. Stop lying. It’s not going to work.”

Riku closed his eyes and nodded. He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to stop ‘lying,’ considering he wasn’t lying at all.

Oh well, that’s just something else to consider later.

Aqua seemed appeased by this nod, or at least the slightest bit satisfied, because she left the room after that.

Next came Ventus.

Ventus had never had a huge impact on Riku’s life, not directly at least. He was in Sora’s heart for years, though, and Riku supposed he was the one who suggested that Sora listen to his heart in the first place.

Ventus didn’t seem to have much to say to Riku. He took off the gag and sat down next to Riku, an act that not even Terra had done.

“You know, you really confuse me,” Ventus said.

“Oh yeah?” Riku asked.

“Yeah.” Ventus said inhaled loudly. “I mean, you just…it’s like you’re two different people.”

Riku snorted at that. “Maybe I am,” he said without thinking.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ventus asked, raising an eyebrow. It was somewhat disconcerting to see _Ven_ of all people give him the no-nonsense parent treatment, but whatever.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing you say is ever nothing.”

Riku sighed. “I just meant…maybe I’m not the same Riku that everyone is hating on. I think I’m from the past.”

Ventus seemed to be willing to humor him.

“Really?” Humoring him did not mean Ventus wasn’t incredulous. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m seventeen, and where I come from, we’re currently searching for Sora after he brought Kairi back using the power of waking.”

Ventus made a tutting noise. “Unfortunately, your theory doesn’t work, because that never happened in the past.”

Riku felt his heartrate accelerate. “What?”

“That never happened,” Ventus said, “Kairi brought Namine back with the power of waking, but since she hadn’t abused the power like Sora did earlier that day, she didn’t pay the punishment, which is what I’m assuming your talking about.”

“Well, it’s official,” Riku groaned, “I’m dreaming.”

“That’s a pretty long dream your having,” Ventus remarked.

“What’s your other explanation?”

“Maybe you’re from an alternate universe?” Ventus clearly didn’t believe a word that came out of Riku’s mouth, but it actually wasn’t a half bad thought.

“Yeah, that might be it,” Riku said, “And I thought that was only in fiction.”

Ventus snorted. “Aqua’s going to kill me if she finds out I’m getting comfortable around you. But, the only things I can really hold a grudge against you are things that you don’t even seem to remember doing.”

“I don’t,” Riku said quickly.

Ventus nodded and tapped the wood floor rapidly with one finger. “I believe you, which is why I’m not mad at you. That much.”

“I’ll take it,” Riku sighed.

Ventus put the gag back on Riku before he left.

Riku was beginning to see a theme with these visits. He was seeing people in the order of when he met them. He wasn’t sure if they were doing it on purpose or not, but it was strangely symbolic.

Which, of course, meant that Kairi was next.

“You’re a monster,” were the first words that came out of Kairi’s mouth. Riku stared back at her, already prepared to let the words go through one ear and then come out the other.

But then again, doesn’t he deserve to be screamed at by Kairi? To feel the pain of those words?

Kairi hadn’t taken Riku’s gag off when she entered the room, holding her keyblade. Riku had a sneaking suspicion that he knew what she was here for.

“You’re a monster,” she repeated, “You kill without any remorse. You don’t regret taking the people we care about away from us. You don’t care about Isa, about Minnie, about Ienzo, about _Sora.”_ Kairi’s voice cracked at that part, but she went full steam ahead. “You don’t care about all of the lives you’ve ruined for us.”

Riku didn’t say anything to that. If he were truly as evil as Kairi thought he was, he would likely be enjoying this speech. Instead, it just shook Riku to the core. Did he really do that? _Please let it be an alternate universe._

Kairi pointed her keyblade at Riku. “I should do it,” she said, her voice was hard, “There’s no reason to keep you around. It’ll be better for everyone if I just do it.”

Riku waited. He wouldn’t close his eyes at death. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t been afraid of death for a very long time. People depict death as a cruel master, but Riku only saw it as a way out, taking him away from the troubles of the worlds.

 _Do it,_ he tried to make his eyes say. Kairi gritted her teeth and nodded. She raised her keyblade, ready to put it through Riku’s chest—

“Wait!” Mickey’s voice called out. Kairi vanquished the keyblade, and Riku started breathing again. He hadn’t even realized he’d stopped.

“Wait,” Mickey said again, “Kairi, you know you should confer with the group first. This is a big decision. One you might regret later.”

Kairi scowled but sighed. “Fine,” she said, “I’ll ask the others first.”

Riku received a glare from both Mickey and Kairi as they left the room. Riku didn’t glare back.

Riku supposed he had already technically gotten his visit from Mickey, because the next person he was visited by was none other than Namine.

“I _hate_ you,” Namine said with more venom than even Kairi had managed.

Riku didn’t flinch at those words. He _didn’t._

“The others didn’t want me visiting you,” Namine continued, “They said, ‘Namine, you don’t have to go in, we can just skip to Axel!’” She sighed. “They don’t know I’m here.”

Namine sure got rebellious over the years. Riku liked it.

“Lea’s eager to get to you,” Namine said, “He’s really excited to chew you out. I think I might watch. You’d deserve whatever he did to you. I’m not even sure why Mickey stopped Kairi from killing you.”

Riku wasn’t sure either. And, somehow, Riku figured that whatever Lea had to say wasn’t going to affect him as much as the others had already affected him.

Sure enough, Axel came next.

It was one of the most terrifying things Riku has ever witnessed.

So far, Riku had been yelled at by everyone who visited him. And it had hurt. Badly. But, Riku had been in a catatonic state of denial. A lot of the hurtful words landed, but the more extreme ones rolled off him. He had still struggled with the idea of him murdering Sora.

This was the day the truth struck him like a truck.

Lea had walked in, ungagged and uncuffed Riku, who was very confused at this action. His confusion died away a second later, as Axel, his eyes flaming with fury, slammed Riku against the wall angrily.

“What gave you the right?” Lea hissed angrily.

Riku, knowing that saying nothing would only provoke the man more, mustered up a reply, “I don’t know.”

Wrong answer.

Lea summoned a flame and slammed his fist into the wall right next to Riku’s face with a wave of heat, leaving a sizzling scorch-mark on the stone.

“ _YOU don’t KNOW?!”_ Axel all but screamed at Riku. Spittle flew into his face. “You kill your childhood best friend, and you don’t know WHY YOU DID IT!?”

Riku flinched but didn’t back down. Someone needed to give him the whole story.

“I’m SORRY! How am I supposed to know if I don’t remember doing it!” Riku shouted, “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m way younger than all of you! I’m not _your_ Riku!”

“Stop lying,” Lea said. His voice was a dangerous calm, and his eyes glinted with more than just rage. They were full of a _blazing fury_.

“I can’t stop if I don’t know how,” Riku said. He knew this was stupid. He knew he shouldn’t provoke Axel, but he _needed_ answers. “Tell me what happened.”

The next thing Riku knew, his back sang out in agony as he was slammed against the wall again, Axel’s hand around Riku’s neck. Riku knew from experience that the grip wouldn’t kill; it probably wouldn’t bruise. The grip was a threat.

Axel held a flame up to Riku’s face; the blistering heat caused beads of sweat to roll down his face. “Stop playing games,” Axel hissed, “I won’t hesitate. It’ll still be merciful compared to what you did to Isa.”

_“Freak!” “Monster!” “Walk out that door, and you're dead!”_

Suddenly, Riku couldn’t feel the heat of the fire near his face. He couldn’t hear whatever Axel was shouting at him. He felt like he was floating.

This hadn’t happened in years.

He saw Roxas and Xion dash into the room and drag Axel away. Xion cast a cure, not that Riku could feel the effects. Roxas chained Riku back up again.

Xion was speaking to him, but Riku couldn’t hear her. Roxas dashed out of the room, but he came back with some small cubes. Xion took them and put them into Riku’s hand.

Riku felt a jolt of shock as the cold from the ice cubes registered on his palm.

“Can you hear me?” Xion was asking.

Riku nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I can hear you.”

Roxas and Xion let out a sigh of relief. “We shouldn’t really care,” Roxas said, earning a glare from Xion, “But your face was so blank that it scared us.”

“Shouldn’t you enjoy seeing me in shock?” Riku asked.

Xion scowled. “You weren’t any worse than any of the other organization members.”

“I killed Sora and Isa, I’ve been told,” Riku pointed out, “That’s plenty of reason to hate me.”

“Don’t worry,” Roxas said, “I do hate you. It actually scared Xion, which scared me.”

Riku couldn’t help but to smile at that. That, at least, made sense.

“I’m going to gag you again,” Xion told Riku. Riku nodded.

Riku’s final visit was from someone he had not been expecting to see.

“Well, well, well.” Xigbar emerged from a dark-corridor. The man stretched his back with a loud sigh and looked around. “It was surprisingly hard to find this place.”

Riku rolled his eyes. He didn’t bother trying to talk with this gag around his mouth. Riku was tired; he didn’t need this right now.

“Not feeling chatty today, are ya?” Xigbar asked, his face growing suddenly dark.

Riku waited patiently, and sure enough, Xigbar bent down and _yanked_ the gag off of Riku. Riku winced at the stinging pain.

“Now, talk,” Xigbar said darkly.

“It’s hard to be talkative when you’ve been confronted by everyone who you used to call a friend,” Riku replied with the same dark tone.

Xigbar nodded and crossed his arms. “I saw Axel’s confrontation.” He shrugged. “Well, we can’t say you didn’t deserve it.”

Riku ignored him. “What are you doing here?”

“The same thing as you, little _Master,”_ Xigbar said with a sneer, “I found myself in the alternate universe. I’m as stuck as you.”

Somehow Riku doubted that. Even if Xigbar really didn’t know how to return to Riku’s universe, Xigbar wasn’t chained in a bedroom.

Fortunately, this meant that everything Riku had hoped for was true. He _didn’t_ kill Sora in the future. A different version of him killed Sora.

It…wasn’t super comforting, but it was far better than the alternative.

“Don’t be too happy,” Xigbar said, “ _You_ might not have killed Sora, but it doesn’t change the fact that _you_ killed Sora.”

How could such an oxymoron make so much sense? Riku closed his eyes.

“What do you want?” Riku whispered.

“I want you to understand,” Xigbar said.

Riku ignored the frustration bubbling up inside him. “Understand _what?”_

“There was something that Xehanort when he was in Terra’s body used to research,” Xigbar said, “You see, he had a prisoner, called Subject X. She had no memories so Xehanort worked on a way to tap into memories through the heart. He was very nearly successful.”

“What happened?” Riku asked dryly, opening his eyes, curious despite himself.

Xigbar smirked. “I broke her out. And I have my reasons, don’t ask why.”

Riku closed his eyes again. “What’s your point? And you never answered my question.”

“The technology is still there. It collects data and transfers the person looking into the memory into a data scape of sorts. I know how to do it,” Xigbar said darkly, “And I have a subject.”

Riku cried out in surprise when a little boy with red spiky hair came tumbling out of one of Xigbar’s portals. When he laid eyes on Riku, he scrambled backward. Riku could only stare in horror.

“Oh, so you had to use a child?” Riku snapped angrily.

“Like Kairi wouldn’t have attacked me on sight,” Xigbar scoffed, “Don’t worry, this will only take a second.”

The child, who was just whimpering at Riku in horror, didn’t move when Xigbar pulled out a device that scanned the boy. Xigbar then banished the boy with a dark portal.

Xigbar approached Riku with a scowl, holding up the device. “I want you to _understand_ why you deserve this.”

Riku couldn’t move when Xigbar raised the device and touched it to Riku’s forehead.

The next thing he knew, he was standing on destiny islands. There was a small house on the shore, and a little boy playing outside. His red spiky hair was unmistakable. This was Sora’s child.

“Sekai!” Kairi’s familiar voice called out from the house, “Come inside, dinner’s ready.”

The child, Sekai, grinned and dashed back to the house. “Coming!” he called out, sounding _so_ much like Sora when he was younger.

_“Sora! Come back inside!”_

_“Coming mom! Can Riku have dinner with us too?”_

_“Of course, sweetheart.”_

Riku shook himself. Now wasn’t the time to think about those memories.

Riku followed Sekai inside and found himself in a warmly lit sitting room, with the kitchen off to the side. Kairi was setting the table.

“Sora, you need to eat dinner too,” she teasingly called.

“Coming!” Sora’s familiar, yet older sounding, voice resonated with Riku. He looked up the stair eagerly to see the young man dashing down with loud footsteps.

Sora was slightly taller, and there was some peach-fuz on his chin. Other than that, he was almost exactly how Riku remembered him, despite the age difference.

Riku wiped the hot tears away from his eyes, remembering suddenly why he was here in the first place.

Sure enough, the small family had all gotten seated when there was a knock on the door. Kairi got to his feet, but Sora held up a hand.

“I’ll get it,” Sora said, moving his hand down over his chest, “I feel a pull.”

Kairi sighed but nodded. Riku followed Sora as he opened the door.

There was a clash of thunder, and Riku stared down at his other self as the rained poured. Suddenly, everything made sense. Everything Riku wasn’t sure about, everything Riku questioned. It all made sense.

The reason everyone hated him, despite the fact that he looked years younger, was standing right in front of him.

Riku, the other Riku, was soaked and shivering, but most importantly, he was a _teenager._ He looked _exactly_ like Riku did now, including the eyes.

 _“Eyes can’t lie,”_ Mickey once said. Well, Riku knew how this story ended, so apparently, they could.

“Riku,” Sora said in a calculating tone, “What happened to you?”

“I was hit with a spell,” Riku said, shivering, “I’m stuck like this.”

So, it seemed that Riku in this universe was not a teenager the majority of the time, but he was simply pulling a trick. No wonder everyone freaked out to see Riku at their doorstep.

Honestly, Riku knew how this story ended, and he still felt compelled to help the shivering teen standing in front of him. It was a truly impressive act.

Sora’s face softened, but his calculating tone was still there when he spoke, “You’ve tried to trick us before.”

“I know,” the Riku in front of him said, and he was actually _crying._ Tears actually ran down Riku’s face. “I know, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Dangit, Riku. No wonder nobody was accepting his apology. He had literally tricked everyone by saying the same things that this Riku actually _meant._

“Well…”

Kairi finally materialized behind Sora. “Get out,” she said harshly, “Get out. I’m not falling for it. You’ve had your chance, just get out of my sight.”

The true irony of the situation was how Kairi’s harshness backfired. Instead of making Sora see sense and not show kindness to Riku, her harsh words actually seemed to make Sora more sympathetic to his ex-best friend.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t give him a chance?” Sora asked, “At least to get him out of the cold? His eyes aren’t yellow.”

 _“Don’t do it Sora,”_ Riku said aloud, but his words might as well have been the breaking of the ocean waves for the good it did.

Kairi scoffed. “He’s tried to trick us before. Have you forgotten what he’s done?”

Sora scratched his spiky hair sheepishly, but he didn’t smile like Riku’s Sora would’ve. As a matter of fact, this Sora had barely smiled in the entire memory.

“Of course, I haven’t forgotten,” Sora said quietly, and suddenly, Sora looked very old. “Of course not, but I don’t see why we can’t—”

“That is _exactly_ why we can’t give him a chance,” Kairi hissed, completely ignoring the fact that they were having this conversation right in front of the other Riku. Her face softened.

“Think about it, Sora,” she said slightly more calmly, but still with a dangerous edge to her voice, “Think about it. Even if he’s being genuine, where does that put us? It’s not like he’s stuck in the body of a five-year-old, this teenage form will not endear himself to the others. Some of their worst memories are from when they were teenagers. Namine will freak out, for one.”

Sora gave Kairi a dead serious expression. “Where else are we supposed to put him?”

“Anywhere but here!”

“Can we at least get him out of the rain?” Sora pleaded, “For old times’ sake if nothing else? We’ll let him stay the night, and figure something out from there.”

“Please,” the other Riku pleaded, sneezing.

That, in Riku’s eyes, gave him away immediately. If Riku were really well meaning, he would’ve listened quietly to Sora’s argument, but after that, Riku would’ve said nothing in his own defense.

If Kairi had adamantly not wanted to let him inside, Riku would’ve taken it and found somewhere else to go.

Regardless, it was a tell that only Riku would’ve likely been able to spot, so at the plea, Kairi sighed.

“Fine,” she said. She turned her glare to Riku. “If you make one wrong move, I _swear_ I will end you.”

Riku had the _audacity_ to smile at this threat. It wasn’t an evil smile. It wasn’t even a happy smile. It was one of those sad smiles that he would sometimes give out, which almost made it more insulting.

“Understood,” he said.

Riku was sure he understood. He was sure that this Riku had no intention of staying long enough for Kairi to do anything about it.

They walked back into the house, and Riku noticed that Sekai had been listening into the conversation this entire time. That made sense, how else would Riku have been able to see what was going on if Sekai hadn’t seen it as well?

They four of them finished dinner, and Riku pretended that his own stomach didn’t growl as the smell of pasta overwhelmed him.

Riku watched as the other Riku _played_ with Sekai. And it wasn’t begrudging playtime. The other Riku actually made it look like he was having fun.

“Save me!” his evil self would cry.

“I’m coming!” little Sekai would cheer, holding a fake sword, much like the ones Riku and Sora used to use when they were younger.

The grimace on both Sora and Kairi’s face at, not Riku’s declaration, but Sekai’s made Riku think. Of course, Sora and Kairi wouldn’t want their child dragged into a war. Who would? Still, Riku had never thought about the future generations before. Battles that they might be forced to fight in twenty years.

Riku hoped, of course, that there would be no more battles, but this was a conflict that dawned since the beginning of time. Riku had a feeling it wouldn’t end just because Sora was there.

Riku felt his heart pumping rapidly with dread as Kairi told Sekai it was time to get ready for bed. The moment was coming soon, he could feel it.

Sure enough, the minute Kairi marched upstairs with Sekai, the minute Sora’s back was turned, the other Riku summoned a keyblade.

Riku watched in horror, waiting for the killing blow to come, when…

“Sekai! Where are you going?”

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. This was not happening.

Sure enough, Sekai was scrambling down the stairs, likely to grab something, when he saw Riku with his keyblade out.

And, Riku, the one who had come to kill _Sora,_ not his child, pointed the keyblade at Sekai.

Sora, Riku, and Kairi looked at the evil Riku in horror, frozen to the place that they stood.

“Surrender yourself,” Riku, still looking like a teenager, said in a dark tone, “And no harm will come to the boy.”

Sekai was standing stock still underneath the keyblade, but his eyes screamed with fear. A fear that no boy his age should have to know. No three-year-old should have to fear death. No child should have to feel the pumping of their heart hurting their chest, their reactions split between trying to decide to run or fight or do nothing. No child should wonder where they’re going to go next if they die, wonder if it hurts, wonder if it will be better than where they are now.

And yet, here they were. Riku felt adrenaline flow through his veins, and the hopelessness of this situation made him ache and hurt inside in a way that he had only felt when he was hurting Sora under Ansem’s control.

Except this was worse. This was way worse, and that was saying something.

Under Ansem’s control, Riku was still able to do _something._ He was still able to hold Ansem off, regardless of what a short amount of time that may be, and he was still able to show Sora that he was in there and was sorry and _cared._

Riku was in a memory. He could do nothing. Nothing except watch as his ears started ringing.

The room was silent and still. It was as if someone had pressed pause on the moment, trying to draw out the horror that all of its occupants felt, bar one.

And slowly, very slowly, Sora held his hands out in surrender and walked forward. His footsteps echoed on the wooden floor like a funeral drum, which it might as well have been. Riku watched as Sora got right in front of the evil Riku and knelt down to the ground.

It was in this moment that Riku realized how much Sora matured in age, or just how different this timeline was. Even kneeling in surrender, a pose of a man desperate to get his son to safety, Sora was _terrifying_ in a way Riku had never seen before. Riku couldn’t see Sora’s face from where he was standing, but his voice said it all.

“Now, let my son _go.”_ It was a quiet command, but it held the force of a hurricane, and Riku knew that even Xehanort would’ve faltered before it.

The stillness of the moment wasn’t broken, however, by this command. The other Riku’s confidence did not falter as he removed his keyblade from Sekai’s neck and stabbed Sora in the heart with one motion.

It was strange how such a monumental action could be taken so quickly and so simply. There was no fanfare, no taunt, no final words, just a still moment and the silence of a funeral procession.

And the minute Sora disappeared in golden light, the stillness that had clung to the room vanished. Everyone screamed. Sekai’s scream was the scream of a child. Kairi’s scream was a scream of rage and anguish and all of the things that Riku _should not_ have heard from Kairi.

She summoned her keyblade and moved to attack Riku, but it was too late, he already left through a dark corridor.

Kairi shrieked in rage as she threw her keyblade against the wall and embraced her son, who was sobbing.

And Riku…Riku had let out a cry when it happened. It was a sharp cry, a cry that ripped everything Riku ever felt right out of his chest and could never be returned again. A cry that might as well deafened him to anything other than Kairi and Sekai’s screams. It was a cry that sent him to all fours and gasping for breath, his mind rushing to figure out what had happened, where he was, _why this was happening._

He couldn’t breathe; he could barely see through the hot tears that were rushing down his face; he could barely think through the thoughts that were suffocating him, reminding him that he couldn’t breathe—

“Not pleasant is it?” Xigbar’s voice cut through the turmoil of Riku’s mind, but he still couldn’t reply, couldn’t do anything but sit there, gasping for breath through the tears.

“I’ve never seen you like this before,” Xigbar continued, “It’s pretty satisfying to see you face the consequences of what you’ve done.”

Riku wanted to protest, wanted to say that he didn’t do it. But even if he could through the pain and the tears, he wouldn’t have. Because, in a way, hadn’t Riku done it? Wouldn’t Riku have gone down that path under a different set of circumstances? Hadn’t Riku gotten dangerously _close_ to going down that same path?

Xigbar seemed to agree with Riku’s train of thought, because the next thing Riku knew, there was a dull pain in his cheek, and something thick and warm was running down his face, mixing with the salty tears. A coppery taste entered his mouth.

“That’s for Sora,” Xigbar growled, “And his kid. Because even I wouldn’t have gone as far as you did.”

And with that, Xigbar left, leaving Riku to choke on memories of blood and betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Stares at the chapter guiltily* Welp, that escalated quickly. 
> 
> Have no fear, there will be comfort in the next chapter; I promise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are you doing?” he hissed, frustration welling up inside him.
> 
> “What does it look like I’m doing?” Lea asked, raising an eyebrow, “I’m cleaning your stupid cut.”
> 
> “I figured out that much,” Riku snapped, “Why are you doing it?”
> 
> “Because I want to,” Lea said shortly, “Got it memorized?”

Kairi, Xion, and Namine found Riku leaning against the wall, blood running down from a gash on his cheek, and tears streaming from his red eyes. He could’ve been sleeping, but all of them knew better.

Riku was actually contemplating how effective drowning in tears would be to accelerate his death. Anything was better than this nightmare.

Namine and Kairi stared down at Riku with little more than contempt. Riku didn’t care. He couldn’t bring himself to care. He deserved it. He deserved _worse._

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “And now I sound like him, but I don’t know what to say. I deserve whatever you do to me. Kill me if you want to. I promise this isn’t a trick. I don’t know what else to say. Sekai didn’t deserve that; _you_ didn’t deserve that.”

Riku waited for Kairi to draw her keyblade in a fit of rage against Riku, but nothing happened. Instead there was a silence that permeated the room. It wasn’t that still silence, full of dread. It was the silence that would come after. A silence that the end of the day might bring.

The end of a really terrible day.

“I don’t forgive you,” Kairi finally said icily. She spun around and left the room, slamming the door loudly. It was no more than Riku deserved. It was _less_ than what Riku deserved.

Namine and Xion gave Riku a calculating look each, although Xion’s looked more pitying, they too left.

Axel entered the room not long after. Riku wouldn’t mind being shouted at now. He needed something. He needed a distraction from the horrible truth he’d been confronted with.

“So, you finally remembered,” Lea said. There was heat in his voice, but it wasn’t the same rage that Riku was used to.

“Yeah,” Riku said, “What do you want?”

“Nothing,” Lea said. He peered at Riku. “You really _didn’t_ remember, did you?”

“I don’t know why I would expect you to believe me,” Riku said, “You didn’t before.”

“Yeah, well, you weren’t bleeding and crying before.”

“Lea, _what do you want?”_

Lea crossed his arms and sighed. “I want to _understand.”_ He scowled. “Why do you suddenly feel this way? You didn’t feel like this before.”

Riku tried not to scream. “I’m not from here,” he said, “I’m from another universe. I was actually Sora’s friend back then.”

“You were always Sora’s friend once,” Axel pointed out, “You betrayed him.”

“Well, where I come from, I turned back to the light,” Riku said tiredly. He tried to keep his tone in check. “Anything _else?”_

Lea sighed. “I guess not,” he said, “Do you need anything for that cut?” He gestured to the cut on Riku’s cheek that had finally stopped bleeding.

“No,” Riku bit out.

Lea shrugged and left the room calmly. He returned with bandages.

This was not what Riku had in mind when he was relieved that Axel was here.

Lea knelt down next to Riku and began cleaning the wound. Riku gritted his teeth against the stinging pain.

“What are you doing?” he hissed, frustration welling up inside him.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Lea asked, raising an eyebrow, “I’m cleaning your stupid cut.”

“I figured out that much,” Riku snapped, “ _Why_ are you doing it?”

“Because I want to,” Lea said shortly, “Got it memorized?”

Riku felt his head throb. Why was Lea treating him with any form of kindness? None of this made sense. He wanted to go home.

“Yesterday, you slammed me against the wall and tried to burn me to death,” Riku commented.

“First of all, I wasn’t trying to kill you,” Lea began.

Riku snorted. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Lea ignored Riku as he continued. “Second of all, today is not yesterday.”

The throbbing in Riku’s head didn’t cease. “You shouldn’t be like this,” Riku snapped, “I could be lying. You _know_ I could be lying. How do you think Sora got killed? It was because I—Riku –ugh, because _he_ lied.”

“Oh yeah?” Lea snapped in return, “And would _he_ allow himself to be captured and nearly killed? Would _he_ actively tell me to not help him?”

“That’s not the _point,”_ Riku argued, “I could be playing the long game. I could be trying to deceive you more with this argument. You don’t know that I’m not capable of fooling you again. You don’t _know_ that. For all you know, I could turn on you the minute you free me from the chains.”

“Well, now we won’t free you from your chains anytime soon,” Lea said. He gave Riku a befuddled look. “Yeesh kid, are you trying to sabotage yourself?”

“I’m not a kid,” Riku said in a very childish manner. He knew he was acting immature, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I haven’t been a kid in years.”

“Oh yeah?” Lea had the audacity to _smirk._ “I was under the impression that adults were mature enough to accept help.”

Riku glared. “That won’t work on me,” he said, “I’m telling you: it’s not wise to heal a manipulative enemy.”

It was Lea’s turn to scowl. “Really? Cause it seems to me you’re only trying to punish yourself.”

The corners of Riku’s mouth went upward into one of his sad smiles. Closing his eyes, Riku rested his head against the ice-cold wall. “Well, you can’t say I didn’t deserve it if I was.”

Riku jerked when the wall vibrated suddenly. Axel had punched it.

“What are you even _saying?_ ” Lea snapped, looking at Riku in horror, “You can’t casually talk about self-harm!”

“It isn’t self-harm!” Riku couldn’t help but shout. “It’s not like I did this to myself!”

“It’s self-sabotage at the very least!” Axel began putting the bandage on Riku’s face. “This is only more proof that you haven’t been lying the entire time,” he added.

“Only further proof that you guys have no common sense,” Riku shot back venomously, “You should kill me. I couldn’t hurt anyone then.”

Lea whistled, the sound piercing Riku’s ears. “Yeah, you’re _definitely_ not our Riku,” he said, “Our Riku would’ve never said that. Most of the time he wants us to let him live and have mercy or whatever.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m changing up the tactic,” Riku said. His frustration grew. “You can’t throw everything away just because I might not be your Riku!”

“I’m not throwing everything away, kid,” Lea said sternly, “I’m literally putting a bandage on your face.” He raised his hands in surrender. “See? I’m done.”

The bandage felt tight on his face. Riku felt like talking alone would rip it open.

_Good._

“Leave me alone,” Riku said harshly.

Axel shrugged and left, leaving Riku alone to listen to his own harsh breathing. Five seconds later, Ventus walked in.

“Hey, Sora,” Ventus said casually.

The room froze. It was almost like the time Riku pointed the keyblade at Sekai, but it was a different type of frozen tension. It didn’t feel like horror suspended in time. Instead, it felt like frozen glass. One more misstep would cause everything to shatter into millions of pieces.

“Hello Ventus,” Riku said eventually. He felt dirty, allowing Ven to call him Sora without saying anything, but he knew drawing attention to the mistake would only make things worse.

“Lea wanted to make sure you weren’t alone in here,” Ventus said cautiously, “Do you want to play chess?”

Riku looked away. “I don’t know how,” he said coldly, masking his frustration with Lea. Why couldn’t he have just left Riku alone?

Ventus shrugged, and Riku honestly couldn’t get over the fact that the man was _older_ than him.

“That’s alright,” he said, “I can teach you. If I can teach Kai, I can teach anyone.”

Riku wasn’t sure if Kai was a nickname for Sekai, or one of the other children that Riku had seen the first day he had come here. Riku wasn’t entirely sure he cared.

Still, Riku was bored, so he allowed Ventus to show him how to play. It was a complicated game with simple enough rules, and Riku found himself picking it up rather quickly.

“Checkmate.” Riku placed his queen down with a small clunk, cornering Ventus’ king.

Ventus gaped. “First try,” he whistled, “Are you sure you haven’t played before?”

Riku nodded slowly, contemplating what this must mean. Sora would say that it meant he was good at playing chess. Kairi would say it was because he was too smart for his own good. Mickey would say Riku was perceptive and strategic. Ansem would say that it was his own cunning and pull to the darkness.

Honestly, Riku wasn’t entirely sure what darkness had to do with chess, but it sounded like something Ansem would say.

The thought of his innocent victory meaning something more sinister made Riku’s stomach churn.

“Well, that’s impressive,” Ventus said, “It’s no wonder you’re always one step ahead of us if…” Ventus quieted down, looking Riku, who was doing his best to keep his breathing under control, in the eye. “Not that _you_ were always one step ahead of us—”

“I might as well have been,” Riku said shortly, “Do you want to play again, or…?”

“Let’s play again,” Ventus said quickly, re-setting up the board. “I can see why Lea was so worried,” he added under his breath. Riku pretended not to hear him.

Ven eventually switched out with Xion, who told Riku stories about the various adventures she had been on with Roxas and Lea. Riku listened as best he could, but he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

Xion was saying something about the beach…his eyes were so heavy…

Riku could only watch as his other-self plunged a keyblade into Sora. He was screaming, but then he was the one plunging the keyblade. Sora glared at him.

“You did this,” Sora said in that terrifyingly dangerous voice.

Riku dropped the keyblade, but the damage was done. Everyone - Terra, Sora, Ven, Aqua, Kairi, Xion, Roxas, Lea – was dead. Their bodies were strewn all over the keyblade graveyard; their keyblades lost with the thousands of others.

“You did this,” Mickey said behind him. Riku jumped and turned around. He went to explain himself, but instead found himself plunging his keyblade into Mickey.

“What a journey you and I have had,” Ansem said, standing in front of Riku. Riku tried not to feel sick. “Your strength is vaster than darkness.”

Riku felt the all too familiar frustration rise up inside of him. “What are you talking about? All you ever wanted me to do was succumb to the darkness!”

Ansem smiled. “All answers can be found…if you only had the courage to seek it.”

And before Riku could do anything about it, Ansem disappeared into the darkness from whence he came.

“ _Ansem_!” Riku snapped. He hated to admit it, but even Ansem’s company would be preferable to all of the bodies that surrounded him on this desolate plane. The bodies of his friends, who he killed, stared at him with unseeing eyes.

“You’re a monster,” Xigbar sneered, “You’re a brat who can’t stay quiet. You’re a useless runt that should’ve died like your mother.”

“I know,” Riku replied. He got into his fighting stance, ready to charge at Xigbar. “So what are you waiting for? Do it!”

Xigbar scoffed and turned away. “You’re not worth my time.”

Riku felt anger rise up within him, and he began sprinting at Xigbar with his keyblade in hand. Xigbar turned around and grinned sickeningly.

“You think that will be enough?”

Before Riku could do anything, Xigbar summoned Xehanort’s keyblade and plunged it through Riku’s heart.

Riku’s eyes shot open and a small gasp of shock escaped his body.

He was inside the empty bedroom that was his prison. Riku took some deep breaths but made no other noise. He was quiet enough that he probably hadn’t alerted anyone of his rude awakening.

“Did you sleep well?”

Riku flinched in surprise. Terra was sitting against the wall adjacent to him.

“You were watching me sleep?” Riku asked grouchily, glad to find something to take his mind off of his nightmare.

Terra nodded. “Both Lea and Ven were worried you would hurt yourself without someone else in the room.”

Riku scowled. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“How about a guard?” Terra suggested mildly.

“What is wrong with you guys?” Riku asked, “You shouldn’t _care_ what happens to me. You should _kill_ me. You don’t know if I’m not tricking you.’

“Actually, that’s where you would be wrong,” Terra remarked calmly, “We ran into you a couple of hours ago, but Xion was inside with you the entire time. We have proof that there are two of you running around.”

“I think you mean one of me running around,” Riku said, “You have me in chains.”

Terra leaned forward, giving Riku a contemplative look. “That can change.”

Riku glared at him. “It shouldn’t change.” He had killed Sora. _Nothing_ could forgive that.

“Do you seriously want to be trapped in this room for the rest of your life?” Terra asked. He grimaced. “I know what it feels like to be trapped. You don’t have to go through that.”

“It’s not the same,” Riku said, speaking from his own experiences, “Here I have control and people to talk to. Besides, I wasn’t implying that you keep me imprisoned. It would be wiser to kill me.”

Terra blanched. Then, his face melted into a more somber expression. “You really want us to kill you?”

Riku shrugged. “You can’t trust me. Even if I’m a different Riku, I could be exactly like him for all you know.”

Terra put a hand on Riku’s shoulder. It took all of Riku’s energy not to shrug it off.

“Listen, Riku,” Terra said softly, “You’re nothing like him. I do actually remember what you told me on that first day. You came back to Sora.”

Riku scoffed. “Only after I had him kill himself before Kairi saved him. Besides, didn’t you also hear that part about me attacking and kidnapping Roxas with the darkness?”

“For Sora’s memories,” Terra pointed out, “You can’t blame yourself.”

Riku didn’t say anything to that. He could barely think. Too many thoughts were crashing around in his skull, giving him another headache. Riku wondered if he had a concussion, but he couldn’t think of where he would’ve gotten it from.

“Anyway,” Terra said, clearing his throat awkwardly, “Are you hungry?”

Riku nodded. Terra got up and went out the door. Riku watched him go, his thoughts swirling through his mind.

He couldn’t ever truly believe that these people were _his_ friends. It made sense. After all, Riku was way younger than everyone here. Still, he couldn’t help but to feel a pulsing heartache whenever he saw the echoes of his old friends.

_“The very fact that you were able to make your way here proves just how strong you are. That’s why I called for you.”_

At that time, Riku felt confusion. That was it? When he voiced these thoughts, Terra smiled.

 _“You expected more?”_ He looked amused, but Riku didn’t feel belittled by it. it was almost comforting.

 _“Yes,”_ Riku had admitted. For the past couple of years, the only reason anyone bothered to call him over was because they needed something. The fact that Terra had called him over to say something so _uplifting_ and _comforting_ was honestly astonishing to Riku.

They had laughed, and Riku felt lighter than he had in a long time. It was almost like having an older brother.

Well, the keyword there was ‘ _was’._

Terra wasn’t there anymore. Not Riku’s Terra after all. And Riku couldn’t help but to wonder if Terra hadn’t just said those things for the sake of it. What if no one had really forgiven Riku? What if they hated him? Riku certainly hated himself.

“Alright, I have a sandwich,” Terra said, entering the room, “I hope that’s enough.”

“Yeah,” Riku said. He was honestly slightly sick of sandwiches, but he noted that the inside was different from usual, so that was something.

Terra and Riku ate quietly, the harsh truths of the world weighing down on them.

Later, Riku woke up in a panic, surrounded by the night’s darkness. Images of death and betrayal flashed in his mind’s eye as he frantically tried to steady his breathing, but he could hardly think. Riku dug his wrists into the cold handcuffs, hoping that the pain would ground him.

Suddenly, warm arms enveloped Riku. He went stock still, waiting to be strangled by the assailant. When nothing happened, he slowly relaxed into the embrace. The smell of lavender clung to the mystery person’s clothing. It was calming.

“It’s not real,” a voice whispered, “It’s not real.”

Riku knew that. This wasn’t exactly his first nightmare. What he had never experienced was someone hugging him in the aftermath.

_That was a lie. Sora would. They’d sleep over, and Sora would sit quietly with him for hours. Kairi would too, if she were there._

Sora was gone. He was dead in this world and missing in Riku’s own. Kairi hated him here.

Still, Riku clutched onto whoever was hugging him. He knew the dream wasn’t real. But it still felt like he was drowning. Drowning in the confusion that was his reality. Drowning in guilt, in the blood on his hands.

Logically, Riku knew he should be working harder to discover the identity of his comforter. He didn’t ask. He was too afraid of what would happen if he did.

 _What if this was another dream?_ If it was, it was a beautiful dream. One that Riku never wanted to wake up from.

The mystery person was stroking his hair now. It felt good. It _all_ felt good, and warm, and _safe._

“Your hair is so soft,” the voice murmured.

Riku let out a watery laugh. “Sora used to say that,” he replied without thinking.

It was as if someone dumped a cold tub of ice on Riku. He let go of the mystery person as if struck by a hot brand, and shivers wracked his body. Sora was gone. He _killed him._ Riku killed his best friend.

_“There’s no reason to keep you around. It’ll be better for everyone if I just do it.”_

_“You’re a monster.”_

_“You did this.”_

Riku barely registered the mystery person wrapping their arms back around Riku tightly. The words echoed in his head, bouncing around in an echo-chamber of misery. _Monster. Freak. Murderer._

“You should just kill me,” Riku said quietly. He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to know who was about to kill him.

“No,” the voice said calmly.

For not the first time, frustration boiled inside of Riku. Why didn’t anyone listen to him? “I can’t take this anymore!”

The mysterious figure simply hugged him more tightly than before, enveloping Riku in such warmth that he just wanted to melt then and there.

“People would miss you,” the woman whispered, “They’d mourn.”

“They’d get over it.” Riku let out a broken laugh. “They’d forget about me.”

His own mother had forgotten about him, leaving him with his father when she ran away and died.

“What about everyone from your own home?” the woman asked softly.

Riku paused. How would everyone react if they found Sora only for Riku to be missing? Would they search for him too?

“They’d get over it eventually.” A small part of Riku hoped that they wouldn’t.

“Let’s not test it,” the woman said gently, “Try to go back to sleep.”

Riku wasn’t entirely sure how long he sat in the woman’s arms, but when he next awoke, she was gone.

Maybe it was all just a dream, but if it was, it was one that Riku would never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sings in the tune of Simple and Clean*
> 
> _When you walk away, you don't hear me say: Please, go comment..._
> 
> Anyway, any guesses to who the person comforting Riku is? I'd be happy to hear your theories! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Excuse me mister,” a young voice said cheerfully from behind him.
> 
> Riku jumped and banged his head on the corner of the cabinet door. His head felt like it split open, and Riku’s eyes watered with pain. He let out a stream of swears before directing his attention the boy behind him.
> 
> The boy had brown hair with vivid blue eyes, but he didn’t quite look like Sora. He looked more like a mini version of Terra.
> 
> Crap. He had just said a whole vocabulary of swear words in front of Terra’s kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicidal thoughts, mild eating disorder

Riku was allowed out of his prison the next day.

There were terms of course, one of which being he couldn’t summon his keyblade. Other terms included wearing handcuffs at all times, not leaving the tower, and not doing anything remotely threatening to anyone.

In other words, one wrong move and he could expect a keyblade through his chest.

Riku was fine with these conditions, mostly. He knew how to maneuver with handcuffs, and he didn’t actually intend to threaten anyone.

Still, he would’ve liked to do some training, and that was going to be difficult under current circumstances.

So, Riku compromised. He went into the only room he knew would be empty and undisturbed, otherwise known as his old prison, and did every exercise that he could think of that didn’t require his arms.

Every day, someone could find Riku doing squats, crunches, sit-ups, wall-sits, lunges, knee-ups, and various kicking techniques. Every day, one could find Riku soaked in sweat, breathing heavily.

The first day Riku had been allowed to explore the tower, a question kept pushing at his mind, and he couldn’t leave it alone.

Who was the woman from last night? Why did she care so much? Was she here?

He entered the kitchen and found Terra leaning against the counter and eating some charred toast. 

“Who was watching me last night?” he asked.

Terra swallowed before answering. “No one,” he said simply.

Riku blinked, unable to accept the truth in the words. “No one?” he asked.

Terra nodded. “We figured you wouldn’t appreciate it if we watched you in your sleep, so we just kept a guard posted at the door.” Terra took a loud, crunchy bite of his toast.

Okay, Riku could work with that. “Who was the guard?”

“Lea and Ven,” Terra said, “They switched out halfway through the night.”

Riku willed himself not to be too disappointed. It couldn't have been Lea or Ventus; Riku knew for a fact that the woman from last night was indeed a woman. He berated himself for getting his hopes up. What did he expect? The woman was probably some sort of dream, nothing more.

He tried not to think about her after that.

By the end of the first week, Riku had developed a routine. Wake up, exercise, eat food, exercise some more, sleep.

It might not have been the healthiest lifestyle, but no one here was going to stop him, so Riku did what he wanted.

Besides, maybe if he were stronger, maybe if he worked hard enough, he could protect everyone. Nobody would have to die. _Nobody._

 _Sora’s dead._ The words became a mantra in his training sessions. _Sora’s dead. You killed him._ One sit up. _Sora’s dead. You killed him._ Two sit ups.

At the end of the day, Riku felt dizzy enough to faint at any given time. Good. It was no more than he deserved. It was _less_ than he deserved.

One day, he recklessly stumbled down the stairs. Fortunately, Riku did not slip and crack his head open on one of the steps. Instead, as always, he made it safely into the kitchen.

Blinking out the black dots in his eyes, Riku walked to the cabinets and pulled out a box of cereal.

“Excuse me mister,” a young voice said cheerfully from behind him.

Riku jumped and banged his head on the corner of the cabinet door. His head felt like it split open, and Riku’s eyes watered with pain. He let out a stream of swears before directing his attention the boy behind him.

The boy had brown hair with vivid blue eyes, but he didn’t quite look like Sora. He looked more like a mini version of Terra.

Crap. He had just said a whole vocabulary of swear words in front of Terra’s kid. Riku’s hands grew sweaty, and he rubbed them on his shirt.

“Don’t say those things out loud,” Riku said.

The boy smiled as if he knew exactly what he was going to say to his parents this evening. Riku wondered if it were enough to warrant being thrown back into prison.

“Sorry for startling you. Can I have a bowl of cereal?” the kid said, smiling even more widely.

Riku stared at the kid, barely comprehending what he had asked. Was…Riku _allowed_ to make the cereal? Was he allowed to refuse the kid’s request? Was he allowed to speak to the kid at all?

“Kai!” another young, but more feminine, voice called out. Riku looked to see a girl who looked very similar to Kai dashing into the room. A frown was set on her face, an she looked as if she might flay Kai alive. “Kai!” she said again, “We’re not allowed to speak to the strange man.”

Well, that answered that question.

Kai, however, did not shirk away from Riku at his sister’s instruction. As a matter of fact, he grinned even more widely (something Riku didn’t think was possible at this point) and said smugly, “I know.”

Riku and the girl stared at Kai for a few moments. After a few moments of silence, Kai turned impatiently back toward Riku and placed his hands on his hips.

“So? Can I have cereal?”

“Uh…” Riku said, glancing at the girl for guidance.

The girl in question crossed her arms. “Mommy and Daddy said—”

“To get someone to make me lunch,” Kai said, “That’s what I’m doing.”

The girl let out a huff and tapped her foot rhythmically on the stone floor. She hummed for a few moments before letting her arms fall back down on her sides. She turne to Riku.

“May you please make me a cereal too?”

Which was how Riku found himself making three bowls of cereal instead of one. When Riku placed the bowl in front of Kai with a clink, Kai began eating manically before Riku could offer to put milk and bananas in his bowl. Riku figured he didn’t want any.

The girl, on the other hand…

“Keep going,” she said when Riku tried to stop pouring the milk into her bowl, “Keep going…” At this point, Riku felt like the poor cereal was going to drown… “Perfect.”

Riku let out a sigh of relief as he moved to pour milk in his own cereal. He got up and began to slice some bananas, which was no easy feat. Cutting anything with handcuffs on was downright dangerous.

“Do you want bananas with that?” he asked. He dropped some into his own cereal with a satisfying plop.

The siblings gave Riku a look of such disgust that Riku vaguely wondered if they had suddenly realized who they were eating lunch with.

“Bananas?” Kai asked, “In cereal?”

“Uh, yeah,” Riku said cautiously, wondering if his tastes in cereals were going to put him back into prison. They _shouldn’t;_ Terra and Aqua weren’t that unreasonable as far as he knew. Still, anything was possible.

“That’s unpleasant,” the girl (Riku really should ask for her name) said in a matter of fact tone.

“That’s _gross,”_ Kai emphasized, eyeing Riku’s cereal with disgust.

Riku didn’t comment on this. His muscles were still moaning in agony from that morning’s workout, and Riku felt as if he were dying of thirst. He gulped down couple of glasses of water before returning to his cereal.

“My name is Rin, by the way,” the girl, Rin said. She pointed at her brother. “This is Kai.”

“Hi!” Kai said with his mouth full. Small bits of cereal flew into the air. One wet spittle hit Riku in the face. Rin scowled at Kai.

“Don’t eat with your mouth full,” she said.

Kai swallowed and gave Rin a glare. “Don’t be so bossy,” he snapped. He turned to Riku an scrunched his nose up like a kitten. “Why are you so sweaty? It smells.”

Riku felt his lips twitch slightly upward. “I exercised,” he said.

Rin peered at Riku, who felt like he was being scrutinized. “Why are you so bony?”

Riku raised an eyebrow. “Bony?”

Rin nodded and touched Riku’s cheekbone, carefully avoiding Riku’s still somewhat fresh cut, which had finally been freed of its bandage.

“Oh,” Riku said. He wondered how bad he looked; he hadn’t checked the mirror in a while now. The boniness was probably due to the fact that he wasn’t eating enough, but he didn’t exactly want to say that to the children. “I don’t know.”

“Mommy says you don’t look no-rished,” Rin said, “And that we shouldn’t talk to you.”

Nice to hear that Aqua held him in such esteem.

“Yeah, that’s why I went to talk to you,” Kai said.

Seriously? What was with this kid? Riku looked at Kai incredulously. “Didn’t your mother tell you that I was dangerous?”

Rin scooched away from Riku cautiously, her chair scrapping loudly against the floor. Kai just grinned. “Yep!”

Riku gave Kai a serious look. He hoped it was effective. “Listen, if your parents tell you someone is dangerous, you can’t just ignore them. What if I wanted to hurt you? Do you think you would be able to stop me?”

Kai frowned and shook his head. “But you don’t want to hurt me,” he said with alarming certainty.

“That’s not the point.” Riku tried not to sound overly exasperated. “You could get seriously hurt if you just ignore what your parents tell you.”

Riku had seen Sora get hurt that way. When they were younger, Riku was overly reckless. Sora would follow along with one of Riku’s foolish schemes, even though his parents had directly told him to do otherwise.

Sora would have followed him to the ends of the earth if Riku had asked. Now, Riku didn’t know.

“That goes for you too, Rin.” Riku turned toward her. She was studying her cereal, but Riku thought he could detect the smallest amount of red in her eyes. “If your brother is doing something dangerous, get an adult.”

“Okay.” Rin took another bite of her cereal before standing up. She walked toward the door before she stopped, hesitant. She turned back toward Riku. “But are you dangerous?”

“I don’t want to be,” Riku said, “But what your parents say is more important in this situation.”

Kai scowled at Rin’s back as she quietly closed the door behind her. She should have left the door open, but it didn’t exactly matter. Riku wasn’t going to do anything to Kai.

“Sorry,” Riku sighed, “But this is important.”

“But you’re not dangerous,” Kai protested. He pointed both of his hands at Riku with a violent motion. “You made me cereal!”

Riku winced, recalling how the Riku in this world expertly played with Sekai to gain his trust.

“Looks can be deceiving.” Riku took another bite of his cereal, but he could hardly taste it. “I don’t want to hurt you, but someone else might. This is a lesson you want to learn now before someone actually gets hurt.”

Kai nodded glumly. He ate a couple more bites of his cereal before suddenly grinning.

“When my mommy says it’s okay, do you want to play with me, Rin, and Sekai!?”

Riku started. That was not the response he was expecting. Still, he should probably consider the idea, and it was good that Kai had gotten the message of _ask for permission._

“Sekai probably doesn’t want to play with me,” Riku said, “But I’d be happy to play with you and Rin.”

Kai cheered just as Aqua slammed the door open. Riku’s heart missed a beat as he jumped slightly.

“Kai,” she said sharply, “Come over here.”

Kai looked as though his life flashed before his eyes before getting out of his chair and walking toward his mother. Riku honestly felt the same way.

“Come with me please,” Aqua said, her voice still sharp. She turned to Riku, glaring daggers. “ _Stay there_.”

There was nothing else to do in this situation. Riku nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

Aqua slammed the door behind her, and Riku sat in the kitchen, not moving a muscle. What would happen now? Would they kill him? That wouldn’t be so bad, but what if they didn’t? Riku didn’t think he would be able to stand living in an empty room for the rest of his days.

The clock on the wall ticked agonizingly, and Riku tried not to fidget. He inhaled deeply, hoping to lessen the pain in his chest. What was taking them so long? Riku needed a resolution to this conflict soon. The suspense might literally kill him.

Finally, _finally,_ the door opened, and Riku held his breath in anticipation.

Master Yen Sid walked into the kitchen. Riku clenched his fists so tightly that his nails were probably drawing blood.

Still, Riku stared Master Yen Sid straight in the eye. It occurred to him that this was only the second time he had seen the man outside of his office, the first time being when he cleared a way through the heartless at the keyblade graveyard.

Master Yen Sid sat down across from Riku, and Riku waited for him to say something. However, it seemed that Yen Sid was satisfied with staring at Riku in silence.

“Well?” Riku said tightly, trying to keep a calm demeanor. He failed.

“Master Aqua is rightfully angry,” Master Yen Sid began, and Riku flinched. “But not at you. Young Rin and Kai deliberately disobeyed her, and they were punished accordingly.”

Riku tried not to let his panic show, but he couldn’t resist asking, “Which was?”

“They are not allowed to play video games for the rest of the month, and they cannot explore the tower without adult supervision,” Yen Sid replied calmly. He didn’t accuse Riku of being intrusive.

Riku felt his muscles untense. That was a fair punishment, all things considered. If Riku had been like the Riku that killed Sora, the kids could be extremely hurt right now, if not dead.

“What about me?” Riku couldn’t resist asking.

Master Yen Sid raised his eyebrows. “You have done nothing wrong in this situation.”

The half-eaten bowls of cereal still sitting on the table begged to differ.

“I fed them,” Riku informed the master, “And I lectured them. Haven’t I broken at least one of the rules?”

“Lecturing two children on how the intentionally placed themselves in a potentially dangerous situation hardly counts as threatening,” Master Yen Sid said briskly, “As a matter of fact, I would consider it commendable.”

Riku blinked. “What?”

“You deliberately put your freedom at jeopardy to keep the children safe in future situations,” Master Yen Sid said, “Why shouldn’t I commend you?”

Somehow Riku doubted that, but he just swallowed and nodded.

Master Yen Sid nodded in approval. “This situation has earned you credit,” he said, “It is likely that your restraints will be coming off soon.”

Yen Sid left Riku at the table. Riku’s stomach swirled with a mixture of relief and dread. He didn’t want to be free. He wanted to be _punished._ Why was everyone denying him of what he deserved?

_Sora is dead. You killed him._

The next day, Terra and Lea found Riku doing drills. He barely noticed them walk in.

 _Sora is dead._ Kick. _You killed him._ Kick. _Sora is dead._ Pushup. _You killed him._ Pushup.

“Riku, you need to eat.” Terra spoke first, making no move to stop Riku’s routine.

 _Sora is dead._ Pushup.

“I don’t need to eat,” Riku protested. His voice was barely anything more than a gasp. _You killed him._ Pushup.

“Kid, look at yourself,” Lea protested, “You look like a skeleton.”

 _Good,_ Riku thought vindictively. His sweat rolled down his face into his eyes and mouth, but the salty taste only invigorated him. Everything burned as he worked harder and harder.

“I don’t need to eat,” Riku repeated, getting to his feet to do some more kicking exercises.

“Listen, Aqua’s insisting that you eat more than cereal,” Terra said, “So, we can get you to come willingly, or she can take you by force.”

Riku didn’t appreciate the latter option, but he didn’t stop. “I don’t need to eat,” he repeated stubbornly.

 _Sora is dead._ Kick. _You killed him._ Kick.

“Why don’t you need to eat?” Terra tried.

“I’m working,” Riku gasped out, “Besides, I killed Sora.”

“I thought we established that you didn’t kill Sora,” Lea said. There was an edge to his voice.

Riku shook his head, letting the sweat spray from his hair. “I didn’t, but I did.”

For a moment, the only sound in the room was Riku’s ragged breathing and the steady thumping of his feet hitting the ground between each kick.

“I understand what you’re saying,” Terra said, “And I don’t agree with it. But regardless Aqua _will_ drag you downstairs by the scruff of your shirt if she has to.”

 _Sora is dead._ Two kicks.

“I already ate today,” Riku said, switching strategies.

“We’re not stupid, you know,” Lea said, “We know you do this all day. Whatever you ate earlier is really not going to cut it. Especially considering that you consider one meal a day to be enough food.”

Riku could hear someone going up the stairs. Probably Aqua. Terra was saying something, but Riku tuned him out. He didn’t care what happened to him anymore.

And suddenly there was a keyblade on his throat, blue eyes glaring piercingly at him. Riku stopped suddenly, and momentum pushed him forward. A rough hand squeezed his bicep painfully and held him in place.

Riku forced his blurry vision to focus on the man in front of him. It was Marluxia. His pink hair was cut shorter. His clothes were more casual compared to the Organization cloak Riku was so used to seeing him in, but there was no doubting his identity.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Marluxia asked Riku.

Riku couldn’t think straight. Marluxia joined them? When? How? Why? And when did he get a _keyblade_?

“Ah, Lauriam, we forgot to mention this, didn’t we?” Lea said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head, “He’s on our side.”

Marluxia, or Lauriam, glanced at Lea with what couldn’t be more than profound astonishment. “You seriously can’t expect me to believe that.”

“As strange as it is.” Terra shifted on his feet and waved his hand toward Riku. “It’s true. Could you lower the keyblade now?”

Lauriam did no such thing. “He _killed_ Sora!” The keyblade dug painfully into Riku’s throat, drawing blood.

“Finally, someone with sense,” Riku muttered.

“Quiet!” Lauriam hissed.

“Seriously kid?” Lea asked at the same time.

“Listen, he’s not the same Riku who killed Sora,” Terra explained, still looking at the keyblade apprehensively, “He’s from an alternate dimension.”

Lauriam laughed. “Did you seriously fall for his lies so quickly?”

“This is what I’ve been saying,” Riku replied, “These guys—”

“One more word, and I will cut you down where you stand.” Lauriam’s eyes cut through Riku’s gaze like knives.

Riku shut up.

“No, actually,” Lea said, “As you notice, his hands are still in cuffs. He’s on probation.”

“He’s been doing pretty well, so far,” Terra added, “The kids disobeyed Aqua and went to see him, and he told them off for putting themselves in danger.”

Lauriam rolled his eyes. “We all know how good he is at gaining our trust.”

Every breath hurt, and it had nothing to do with the keyblade pressing against his throat. Sora was dead. Not just dead, Riku _killed him._

The truth that Riku had been saying to himself repeatedly for days seemed to be staring him straight in the face now.

“Sora is dead,” Marluxia repeated, glaring at Riku with contempt, “And you’ve allowed this man to live in your home—”

“It’s not like that!” Axel protested.

“Yes, it is!” Riku shouted.

Riku should’ve been scared, defensive, or angry that Marluxia was going to kill him. He should’ve tried pleading on his own behalf. Instead, there was only a suffocating feeling in his chest. Suddenly he was sixteen, struggling against the darkness and trying to get Sora back if it was the last thing he did.

He _missed_ Sora. If dying meant that he could see him, or at least _this_ reality’s version of him, Riku would welcome it with open arms.

“I wanted to become a keyblade wielder so I would have the strength to protect what matters,” Riku said, swallowing. His eyes burned, and Riku shut them tightly. “And clearly, I can’t do that.”

Marluxia sneered. “I’m glad we’re of agreement then,” he said.

Riku vaguely wondered if peace was going to hurt. He found that he wouldn’t mind as long as he reached said peace.

“Daddy?” a small voice asked cautiously. Riku opened his eyes to see Rin peeking out from behind the door. “Mommy wanted to know what was taking you so long.”

Marluxia expelled his keyblade immediately, and Riku felt shame crawl up his chest. Riku wasn’t sure what he was more ashamed of: the fact that he had wanted to die, or the fact that he was disappointed that Rin interrupted them. Sora was still out there. Was he really so willing to abandon him?

Did Sora even want to see him anyway?

“Tell Mommy that we’re working on it,” Terra said. His tone was still slightly tense from before, but he was clearly relieved to see the keyblade away from Riku’s throat. “We’ll be right there.”

Rin nodded. “Hello, Mister Riku!” she said cheerfully, “Mommy wanted me to tell you directly that not eating can lead to serious det-ri-ment to yourself and those around you, and if you don’t come downstairs in five minutes, she’ll force feed you.”

Riku nodded dumbly. Marluxia gaped. Lea only smiled triumphantly as he gently led Riku downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Kai kinda took over this chapter. I'm not sorry. 
> 
> Thank you all for your beautiful theories last chapter. I promise I have a more concrete answer to the mystery person's identity than the one I gave you in this chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are we doing?” Riku asked as Xion dragged him into the kitchen.
> 
> “You said you wanted to help,” Xion said, “I want to make a cake. You’re helping me make a cake.”

A pretty lady visited Sekai at night.

At first, Sekai was scared of the lady, but she was very nice. She wasn’t like that scary man who made Daddy disappear.

She would tell him stories about friends and heroes and light conquering the darkness. Her voice was nice, and she sang lullabies to him, helping him go to sleep.

Sometimes, she wasn’t enough, and he would go to his Mommy, asking to sleep with her. Mommy always said yes. She would hug him tightly, making him feel warm all over before he fell asleep. It was nice. Even nicer than the pretty lady.

That morning, Mommy was in the kitchen, making Sekai eggs. Sekai loved eggs. He loved how they smelled, how they felt, and of course, how they tasted.

Mommy ruffled Sekai’s hair and placed down the plate of hot eggs in front of him with a clink. Where did eggs even come from? Maybe they came from an egg-making world. Daddy would eat lots of eggs there. Daddy _loved_ eggs.

“Mommy,” Sekai said as he ate some of his eggs.

“Yes?” Mommy sat down next to Sekai, holding a cup of coffee. It looked like hot chocolate, but Mommy said it didn’t taste very good. Sekai wondered why Mommy drank it if it didn’t taste good.

“When is Daddy going to come back?” Daddy had been gone for a long time. Sekai missed him.

Mommy got some of her coffee onto her dress. She quickly put her cup on the table before turning back to Sekai and gently grabbed his hand. Sekai waited for her to reply impatiently.

“Baby…Daddy isn’t coming back.”

Sekai frowned, confused. “But, after that scary man came, you said Daddy was gone. Why won’t he come back?”

Did Daddy not love him anymore? Was Daddy mad at him? Was Daddy mad that Sekai ran downstairs? Sekai didn’t know that the scary man would pull out his keyblade. Sekai didn’t know Daddy would disappear.

Mommy’s eyes were getting shiny like raindrops on windows. It rained when Daddy disappeared.

Sekai didn’t like rain.

“No, Daddy _can’t_ come back,” Mommy said. Her voice got squeaky like Uncle Mickey’s for a moment.

“Why?” Sekai asked. Was Daddy captured? Was he trapped? Did he need help? “Does he need to be saved?”

Mommy shook her head. She was crying. Sekai didn’t like it when Mommy cried. It made him want to cry too.

“Honey.” She took a deep breath. “Daddy died.”

Sekai knew what death was. But he still didn’t understand. “Why can’t he come back?”

“His body’s gone,” Mommy said, “His heart is in Kingdom Hearts now.”

“Where’s his body?”

“It disappeared.”

Sekai remembered that. Daddy disappeared with golden stars. Sekai thought he had teleported somewhere. Sekai had teleported before. He fell into dark puddle and saw two scary men. Then he came back and told Mommy.

“Mommy?”

Mommy rubbed her eyes and smiled. Sekai didn’t think she looked happy. “Yeah?”

“Why is the scary man here?”

Mommy didn’t say anything. She looked still like a statue, her face set in a long frown.

“How many times have you seen him?”

Sekai thought about it. “Three times.”

Mommy looked surprised. Sekai wasn’t sure why. She knew about all three times. She was there for two of them.

“When?” she asked quickly.

Sekai counted on his fingers as he spoke. “When he played and made Daddy disappear, when Aunt Aqua brought him, and when I teleported.”

Mommy slouched and nodded. “Okay, okay.” She rubbed Sekai’s arm. It felt good. “Okay.” She took a deep breath. “Um…he’s not the same man who played with you.”

Sekai frowned. He _looked_ like the same man who played with him. Maybe it was his twin. “Is he his twin?”

Mommy scrunched her face up like she was thinking really hard. “Um…more like his younger brother.”

“He’s scary,” Sekai said again.

“You don’t have to see him,” Mommy promised. She hugged Sekai tightly. Sekai hugged her tightly back. “Now, finish your eggs. Auntie Xion wants the kitchen for something.”

“What is it?” Sekai asked, returning to his eggs. They were a little less hot than before.

“It’s a surprise.” Mommy’s voice was a little happier now. Sekai was happy too.

“What’s the surprise?”

Mommy booped him on the nose. Sekai giggled. “It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, silly.”

Sekai loved his Mommy.

  


“What are we doing?” Riku asked as Xion dragged him into the kitchen.

“You said you wanted to help,” Xion said, “I want to make a cake. You’re helping me make a cake.”

That was not what Riku was expecting. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, well, I kind of had something a little less…simple in mind,” Riku admitted.

He stood uselessly next to Xion, who was reaching into the kitchen cabinets. Roxas leaned against the counter and laughed.

“You’ve never baked a cake before, have you?”

“I have!” Riku flushed at his defensive tone. “Sorry. But it wasn’t that hard. All we did was put some ingredients in and mix it.”

Roxas let out another snort and raised his eyebrows. “ _Very_ specific. Remind me when this cake venture was?”

Riku’s face grew hot. “Ten years ago…with Sora’s mom.”

The entire room winced at the mention of Sora’s name, but it wasn’t mentioned. That didn’t stop the guilt from pulsing under Riku’s skin.

“For shame,” Roxas drawled, collecting himself quickly, “Leaving all of the dirty work to the mother.”

“I was seven!”

Xion pulled some bowls out of the cabinet. “Roxas, be nice. After all, you’re the one leaving all of the dirty work to me right now.”

The pantry door opened, and Riku nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Lauriam walk out. He was holding a box of flour and a bag full of sugar.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Lauriam said, “We all know who’s really doing the work.”

Riku rubbed at his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. He pointed at Lauriam accusingly. “When did you get here?”

Lauriam shot a nasty glare in Riku’s direction before his face became neutral. Then, he shrugged and placed his ingredients onto the counter. “I was already here. You just didn’t notice.”

Riku felt confusion and frustration boil inside of him. He looked back and forth between Roxas and Lauriam before gesturing wildly.

“I’m sorry, I thought both of you hated me?”

Roxas waved away the concern like he was swatting a fly. “That died almost as soon as we realized you weren’t you.”

“Very eloquent,” Xion said.

Riku supposed that made sense. That didn’t exactly explain Lauriam, who he distinctly remembered nearly killing him a couple of days ago.

“And what about you?” he asked Lauriam, “You _definitely_ hate me.”

Lauriam turned around from the ingredients he had been organizing and studied Riku. Riku tried not to feel too uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

“I don’t know yet,” Lauriam said finally, “I’ve had enough time to cool down, so I’m willing to give you a chance.”

Note to self. Don’t make Lauriam angry, especially if his gut reaction is going to be murder.

Riku ran his hand through his hair before directing his attentions back toward Xion. She was washing her hands under the rushing kitchen sink.

“This is entirely beside the point,” Riku said, “I’m more than happy to help you make cake, but when I said I wanted to help, I meant…”

It was hard to put it into words. Riku knew he couldn’t undo what had already happened, and he was coming to realize that no one was going to let him die or hurt himself at this point. Aqua began forcing him to eat three meals a day. Terra would drag Riku to play with the twins in order to stop Riku from training himself into the ground.

Riku wanted to make things right. He just wasn’t sure how to do that.

Xion turned off the sink and dried her hands on a paper towel. “I know what you meant,” Xion said kindly, “But you are still under house arrest, so cake is the best thing we have so far. You can help on missions when you’re actually allowed outside.”

Riku glanced down at his wrists. The others finally took his restraints off earlier that day, but he could still feel the phantom sensation of cold metal on his skin.

“What’s this cake even for?” Riku asked, glancing at the now completely assorted tools and ingredients.

“Fun!” Xion said brightly. Her expression became more serious. “Everyone’s been more than stressed lately, and chocolate is good for stress…Roxas, we need that!”

Riku spun around to see Roxas eating a chunk of baker’s chocolate. Roxas waved it in Xion’s direction, looking insulted. “You just said chocolate’s good for stress,” he said thickly, “I’m stressed!”

Xion snatched the rest of the bar before Roxas could get his hands on it. “Yeah, but not before we eat the cake.” She returned the chocolate to its cardboard box. “I can’t even begin to fathom how you manage to eat that stuff. It’s so bitter.”

“Just like my heart and soul,” Roxas said in deadpan.

Lauriam rapped his wrist against the metal bowl loudly. Everyone turned toward him.

“Are we going to talk in the kitchen all day, or are we going to bake?” he asked.

Xion straightened slightly. “Right,” she said, “Roxas, preheat the oven. Lauriam, put the water on the stove. Riku, help me get some of these ingredients into a bowl.”

The kitchen became filled with movement. It _had_ been a while since Riku had done anything like baking. Xion had to help Riku more than Riku could help _her_ when measuring the ingredients into separate bowls. Roxas preheated the oven and checked on the boiling water while Lauriam began cracking the eggs.

“How come Axel isn’t here?” Riku asked. Despite the fact that the kitchen was crowded enough as it is, Riku would have thought Axel would have been all over an opportunity to spend time with Roxas and Xion.

Roxas shuddered. “Last time he tried to bake, he set the oven to 3500 degrees thinking that it would speed up the baking process.”

Xion and Lauriam both shuddered at that. “We had to replace everything in the kitchen,” Xion said, “That was the last time we’ve let Axel touch an oven.”

“Does the oven even let you turn the temperature up that far?” Riku asked.

“It does when you use some of your fire magic to help,” Roxas said, “Forget the oven, that was the last time we’ve let Axel into the _kitchen_.”

Lauriam poured the boiling water into the bowl with the chocolate and butter. Xion handed Riku the whisk, and he began cautiously stirring the ingredients.

“Put more force into it,” Lauriam instructed, “You’re not getting anything done that way.”

Riku gritted his teeth and began stirring more forcefully. Sure enough, the mixture began to become a silky brown.

Xion poured the eggs, vanilla extract, sugar, and buttermilk mixture into the chocolate bowl. Lauriam took the whisk and began whisking the ingredients together like a pro chef on those baking shows Kairi used to like watching.

“How are you so good at that?” Riku asked.

Lauriam didn’t say anything at first. His face was contorted into another scowl, and the only sound was the metal whisk scraping against the bowl. Riku hoped that he wasn’t going to get killed for asking a question.

Lauriam’s expression changed suddenly, but he didn’t look up from his mixing. “I used to bake with my sister.”

Oh. Riku had never heard of a sister before, which was a pretty bad sign he was getting into dangerous territory. Fortunately, Riku was not in one of his lowest moments and did not wish to stabbed for being insensitive.

“Oh.” They dropped the subject after that.

They put flour, baking soda, and salt into the mixture in silence. Then, Roxas placed the cooking spray back onto the counter, having just sprayed the pan.

“So…do you ever do anything like this with your brother?”

“ _Roxas,”_ Xion hissed.

Roxas raised his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright.” He turned back to Riku. “That was insensitive of me. I’m sorry.”

Riku wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but he just nodded. “It’s fine.” He looked at the others, who were still staring at him like he was about to break. “I don’t have a brother,” he pointed out.

Lauriam stared, and Roxas gaped at Riku. Xion took the perfectly mixed bowl form Lauriam and poured it into the pan.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Riku asked the two men cautiously, “Did I say something wrong?”

Lauriam immediately turned away and put the pan into the oven; Roxas followed suit, distracting himself by going into the fridge. Riku was sure Roxas wasn’t actually going to pull anything out of it.

“That makes so much more sense,” Roxas muttered.

“ _What_ makes so much more sense?” Riku’s voice had more of a bite to it this time, and he immediately reined himself in. “Sorry.”

Xion sighed and pulled out another bowl, probably for the icing. “No, I’m sorry. We made assumptions.”

“About a brother that I supposedly have?” Riku asked, realization dawning on him, “Does this world’s Riku have a brother?”

Roxas’ voice got suddenly very bitter when he next spoke. “Not does. Did.”

Just like that, more puzzle pieces clicked together in Riku’s mind. Another death in his life would certainly not have helped Riku’s mental health. Especially if it were a brother.

“Older or younger?” Riku asked, gripping onto the counter tightly.

“Older,” Xion said.

An older brother. Riku had always wanted an older brother. He had always wanted someone to protect him, to keep him safe from the terrors inside his own home. Knowing that this dream of his might’ve been the thing that pushed him over the edge…it was frightening, at best. Devastating, at worst.

If the death of a brother caused Riku to go down the dark road, would another death cause him to do the same? What if one of the others died? Would Riku become twisted and evil, going as far as to murder his best friend?

Even without the grief of losing an older brother, Riku had been one wrong choice away from becoming the person everyone feared and hated. What would he have been capable of with that sort of loss on his mind? What can he still be capable of?

Riku knuckles were white, and he forced himself to let go of the counter. “Yeah, uh, I never had any sign of a brother. Unless there was a miscarriage nobody told me about.”

They made the icing in silence. Soon, the kitchen was filled with the delicious smell of baked chocolate. As strange as it sounded, the smell calmed Riku, to a degree.

It turned out the hardest part of cake making was the icing. Whether it be figuring out how much icing to initially put on the cake, or stopping Roxas from eating it all, icing was definitely the most difficult part for everyone.

Except for Lauriam. He seemed to also be an expert on icing, masterfully piping roses onto the cake.

“I want to get a picture before we cut it,” Xion said, admiring their handiwork. Actually, it was more like Lauriam’s handiwork that got some assistance from the rest of them, but whatever.

Xion pulled out her phone and snapped a photo of the cake. Then, she turned to Roxas. “Alright, cut three pieces for us and Namine.”

After the group agreed to free Riku of his restraints, Namine wanted to move out of the tower and live at some undisclosed location. Roxas and Xion were going to give her company, clearly with cake.

Riku didn’t blame Namine for leaving. Whatever he had done to her, it had obviously been unspeakable.

That evening, the cake was served with dinner. Riku came in after everyone else had eaten to get his own meal and piece. It tasted good, but Riku couldn’t help but to feel a little hollow as he ate it.

In another life, he had a brother. An _older_ brother. And Riku knew nothing about him. Riku wasn’t sure if he _wanted_ to know anything about him.

Riku did. He wanted to know so much that it ached. But the only person who would know anything about him was Kairi. And she didn’t even stay in the same room as Riku, let alone talk to him. Not that he blamed her or anything.

Riku kept his wishes to himself.

  


It turned out that keeping too many thoughts and feelings to oneself was unhealthy, not to mention uncomfortable, so Riku asked Xion for a notebook and pencil when she got back from visiting Namine the next day. Xion obliged.

“Roxas and I keep diaries. It’s a habit from our organization days,” Xion said, handing him a blank notebook from her drawer, “I keep some empty ones on hand in case my current one gets full.”

That was how Riku found himself sitting on his bed in his temporary bedroom, staring at a blank page.

He wanted the notebook so that he could write down what he was feeling, maybe calm the raging thoughts always going through his head. He’d have to hide the notebook and keep anyone else from seeing it, of course, but…maybe it would help.

Taking a deep breath, Riku put his pencil onto the page, writing out his first words.

_Sora is dead. I killed him._

And then, as if those six words opened the flood gates of everything he had ever thought in the past couple of weeks, Riku wrote. The only sound in his room was the constant scratching of pencil on paper.

He wrote about his fears, about his guilt, about the pain in his chest that never seemed to go away. He wrote about the questions that burned underneath his skin, the questions that he _needed_ answers to but was too afraid to ask.

Who was the phantom woman? What was his brother like? How had he died? What had Riku done to Namine?

When he finished, Riku realized that the entire thing kind of looked like a letter. A letter from someone who was too far away from home to send it to anyone. The letter to no one.

Riku wished he could send it to someone, anyone. He wished he could send it to Namine. He wondered how she was dealing with Riku just disappearing out of thin air, right after he had promised to train her too. Guess he would have to add that to the list of things to feel guilty about.

Riku wished that he were still in his own timeline, showing Namine how to use her keyblade. Riku missed Namine. He missed Sora. He missed _everyone_.

He wished he were home.

Riku sketched a picture of Namine holding her keyblade, trying to recall what Namine had tried to teach him a few months back. The end result didn’t look all that great, but it was almost like keeping a little part of her close.

The room was dark, and night had long fallen. Knowing he should get to bed, Riku stuffed the notebook underneath his mattress. Hopefully, nobody would find it. If they did, hopefully they wouldn’t read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has my first POV change, and it won't be the last. 
> 
> Lauriam gives me these level-headed vibes unless really upset, like when he thinks that Ventus killed Streletzia. That's why he was *this* close to killing Riku in the last chapter, but pretty willing to give him a chance now. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The front door was exactly how Riku had last seen it. The white door was dirty and had a small, barely perceivable nick next to the brass doorknob.
> 
> _On the day his mother died, Riku had been swinging his wooden sword around on his way home from playing with Sora, trying to distract himself from what he might find at home. Unfortunately, he had been swinging with too much vigor, and the sword ended up hitting the newly painted door with a heart-stopping bang. It left a small mark._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: past death, implied/referenced murder, abuse

_Riku was ten when his mother died._

It had taken another ten days for everyone to agree that Riku could go to other worlds with supervision. Terra volunteered to accompany Riku first.

As Riku stood on the beach of his home, he tried to push the disturbing though aside and instead focused on his senses. Seagulls were cawing in the distance, and Riku could smell the familiar salt air. The laughter of children filled the beach as they played in the sand, although there were more parents keeping an eye on them than Riku was accustomed to seeing. The waves crashed loudly against the golden sand, the diamond-colored water exploding into white foam.

Waves had meant many different things to Riku over the years.

Riku’s first perception of waves was fear. Once, when Riku was still learning to swim, they knocked him down, trying to smother him as his eyes and lungs burned.

Riku’s mother had quickly pulled him out of there, but he still regarded it as one of the scariest moments of his life.

After Riku had grown more accustomed to swimming, he had found waves as just plain fun, back when Riku still had that childlike view of the world. Sora and Riku (and eventually Kairi) would splash around in them like it was the most entertaining thing in the world.

As the sun beat down at Riku, he wished he still saw the waves as ‘fun.’

_A storm had shaken the sky on that fateful night, and Riku remembered the loud drumming of rain against the roof and the windows. The rain and the crashing of thunder almost drowned out the sound of his screams._

“Are you alright?” Terra asked, pulling Riku out of his reverie.

Riku nodded automatically. He turned away from the waves, away from the memories. “Let’s go.”

They were halfway down the path when Terra casually asked, “Where are we going?”

Riku rounded the bend. “My house.”

Riku didn’t look to see Terra’s reaction. He could still imagine the shock mingled with horror on his face. Or maybe not. Maybe Terra couldn’t care less that Riku was visiting his home. Maybe he didn’t know what it meant to him.

Somehow, Riku doubted it.

They reached Riku’s house quickly, and Riku couldn’t manage to shove away the sensation that he was trying to outrun the memories that threatened to overtake him.

The house was exactly how Riku had last seen it. The white front door was dirty and had a small, barely perceivable nick next to the brass doorknob.

_Earlier that horrible day, Riku had been swinging his wooden sword around on his way home from playing with Sora, trying to distract himself from what he might find at home. Unfortunately, he had been swinging with too much vigor, and the sword ended up hitting the newly painted door with a heart-stopping bang. It left a small mark._

Riku pushed away the memory and grabbed onto the cold doorknob, turning it forcibly. The doorknob remained stubbornly unmoved.

Terra made a little startled noise but didn’t protest when Riku pulled out his keyblade and unlocked the door. Riku dispelled his keyblade and grabbed the doorknob. This time, it turned smoothly, and the door opened with an uncomfortably loud screech.

Riku stepped inside the front room, the sunlight filtering through the windows. There was a heavy layer of dust over everything, and the small dust particles were floating in the sunlight like a thousand stars.

_He had entered the house sick with anxiety, praying that nobody would notice the blemish on the brand-new coat of paint. In hindsight, it was almost laughable that Riku would have worried about such an insignificant thing, considering what was actually about to pass that evening._

_The mark remained unnoticed in the following years._

“Nobody’s lived in here for years,” Terra said, “Not after…”

Riku started walking down the hall. He could imagine what Terra was about to say. Riku, bitter and twisted up by the darkness, had broken into this very house and murdered his father in cold blood.

The idea caused a shiver the run down Riku’s spine. Not because of the patricide, but because it was something that Riku could easily see himself doing.

“Murder would definitely bring down the property value,” Riku said grimly.

“Actually, it’s technically yours, or our Riku’s, house,” Terra explained, suddenly glancing around, “He’s the sole heir.”

Riku entered the kitchen. Other than the heavy layer of dust on the granite countertops, it wasn’t too different from how Riku last remembered it.

_After dinner, Riku’s mother and father had gotten into an argument of some kind. He didn’t remember what it was about; it hadn’t mattered, in the end._

_The storm was already battering against the walls of the house, but even that couldn’t smother the loud shouting of the fight._

Moving past the kitchen, Riku entered his own bedroom first. Two twin-sized beds sat against the wall with impersonal quilts on them. Any of Riku and his phantom brother’s personal belongings were either gone or hidden away. After opening and closing all of the dresser drawers, Riku determined that they were probably simply gone.

Did his father get rid of all signs of having sons? Why? Was this what Riku would find in _his_ bedroom back at home? Or had the other Riku taken all his and his brother’s things?

The empty bedroom mocked him, a stark contrast of what it used to be.

_While his parents were arguing, Riku had hid in this bedroom, wishing that they would stop. His father was clearly overpowering his mother, who was always weak-willed to begin with._

Riku left his bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind him. He entered his father’s bedroom next, ignoring the instinctual anxiety over daring to go into the room without permission.

Unlike Riku’s old bedroom, this room had clearly been left as it was. Riku could see his father’s favorite books still sitting on the book shelves, and a picture of his mother sat in a silver picture frame. Riku had never understood that picture.

_The fight escalated, and Riku could hear glass shattering in the other room. Suddenly, his mother’s voice became a high-pitched cry._

_“I’m leaving!”_

_His father’s roar matched the thunder outside. “Walk out that door, and you’re dead!”_

Riku picked up the picture frame and dusted off the glass. The photo had probably been taken before the marriage; his mother looked younger and happier than Riku ever remembered seeing her.

He pried off the velvety backing of the frame and carefully took the photograph out. After staring at it for another moment, Riku carefully placed it in his coat pocket.

Terra placed a hand on Riku’s shoulder. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Riku only nodded this time, to afraid he’d dislodge the lump that suddenly formed in his throat.

Riku started searching through the drawers, shifting through his father’s socks and other clothing. Searching, searching, searching.

_Riku heard the door slam. Did she actually do it? Did she leave? Without him?_

_Riku ignored his fear of the situation and ran into the kitchen, stumbling over his own feet. His father was already marching toward the door. Riku tried to run past him, desperate to catch up to his mother, to not be left behind._

Nothing. There was nothing there. No sign. No clue. No answers. Just drawers full of old files and clothing. Remnants of a past Riku would rather forget.

_A strong backhand caused Riku to stumble back and painfully fall onto the cold tile. His father towered over him._

_“Stay where you are!”_

_Riku didn’t dare disobey. He could only watch as his father stormed out of the house into the torrents of rain._

“What are you looking for?”

Riku shook his head. “It’s nothing,” he muttered, “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

Who was he kidding anyway, looking for catharsis through a dead brother? He was dead. Knowing more about him wasn’t going to change anything. It wasn’t going to make things better. It wasn’t going to change the undeniable truths that still haunted Riku.

Riku gave up and walked back down the hall and out of the house. Terra followed quietly.

_The next morning, Riku was the one who found the body washed up on the shore. His mother’s eyes stared up unseeingly at him. Her skin was pale. Too pale._

_Riku screamed._

Turning around the bend of another familiar path, Riku and Terra stopped in front of another familiar house. Sora’s house, or Sora’s mother’s house, stood in front of them. The garden was still neatly trimmed, and a rocking-chair on the porch rocked with the breeze.

“Is Sora’s mother still alive?” Riku asked.

Terra nodded. “Yeah.”

“And, um, does she…know?”

“She knows,” Terra said, “About everything.”

Riku glanced at the familiar front porch, unsure if he should just leave and pretend that he hadn’t instinctually gone to Sora’s house for comfort. He shouldn’t be here, interrupting Sora’s mother’s mourning, intruding upon her grief. _He_ was the one who killed Sora in the first place.

_In the time before and after the funeral, Riku found himself at Sora’s house more often than not. Sora’s mother was more than understanding, and when Riku let her, she’d shower him with as much hugs as she did Sora._

_They felt good, but it didn’t get rid of the aching hole in his chest._

“This was a waste of time,” Riku said, spinning around, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Terra said softly as they marched back toward the beach. He hesitated a moment. “Do you want to see Sora’s…”

Terra glanced back to where Riku knew the cemetery was. Riku didn’t want to go. The idea of seeing Sora’s grave made Riku feel sick. Not only would it finalize the idea that Sora was dead and that there was no going back, but Riku was Sora’s killer. He didn’t deserve to stand there and pay his respects.

_Riku used to visit his mother’s grave weekly. Then he got fueled by the idea of running away and only visited monthly. His most recent visit was right before the storm that changed everything._

“No,” Riku said. He sighed. “I just want to help. Sorry for the detour.”

“Don’t apologize.” Terra gently grabbed Riku’s shoulders. “You’ve been through a lot. You’re allowed to visit your home.”

Riku knew when to surrender a point. “Okay, but can we go now? I’m sick of this place. Too many memories.”

Terra looked sympathetic as he nodded and let go of Riku. “Alright, let’s go.”

Riku gave the waves one final glance, trying not to remember how they washed up his mother’s body, how they rose in the storm of darkness, how Sora was no longer here to enjoy them.

Waves had meant many different things to Riku: scary, fun, messengers of death, prison walls, his own failures, hope for a new dawn.

Now, Riku could see that they only carried memories. Memories Riku would rather forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter today. 
> 
> I finished the main plot of Melody of Memory. Quality stuff. I don't think I'll have spoilers, but for the next month or so I'll have a warning at the beginning of the chapter if I do.


	7. Terra Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lea, what’s the occasion?” Terra asked lightly.
> 
> “Sora’s dead.”
> 
> A silence sat heavily over the line as Terra processed what Lea just said. _Sora’s dead._

Terra’s life had never been easy.

Well, looking _way_ back, Terra supposed that was a lie. His childhood had been pretty carefree. Sure, he had wanted nothing more than to be a keyblade master, and training had been grueling, but there was nothing truly _hard_ about it.

Terra still counted those years as some of the best years of his life. Not that unreasonable, in Terra’s opinion.

But, ever since Terra was twenty, his life became a downward spiral. Ten years with his heart locked away by Xehanort hadn’t helped.

Even now, ten years after being freed, Terra would stare at the mirror, checking for white in his hair, for yellow in his eyes.

He had found nothing so far. Terra dreaded the day when he would finally start graying, but at least that would be gradual. If he was lucky, the color would never move past a dark gray.

Terra was never lucky.

A problem for another time, he supposed. In the grand scheme of things, gray hair was something that could be pretty easily fixed. Aqua knew some fantastic magic tricks for appearances.

So did Riku, it seemed.

Unlike Destiny Islands, where it had apparently been raining on that accursed night, the Land of Departure was having a beautiful evening. The stars were shining brighter than ever, so Terra and Aqua were having an evening picnic with Ven and the kids.

They were having a playful debate on whether Terra was any good at playing cards. His kids were firm believers that Daddy was the best card player in the world. Ventus, being a traitor, strongly disagreed.

Aqua’s phone ringing interrupted The debate. Aqua pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID.

“It’s Kairi,” she said, getting to her feet, “I’d better take this.”

Terra nodded. As Aqua walked a distance away, Terra’s own phone started buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out, and Lea’s name appeared on the screen.

“Huh, we’re popular tonight, aren’t we?” Ventus asked, glancing at _his_ phone, “Roxas wants me to call.”

Terra didn’t reply, instead electing to answer Lea. There was an ominous feeling in his stomach. It wasn’t often that Lea called him, and that both Ventus and Aqua were getting calls seemed strange.

“Lea, what’s the occasion?” Terra asked lightly.

“Sora’s dead.”

A silence sat heavily over the line as Terra processed what Lea just said. _Sora’s dead._

Terra could hear Ventus saying, “Hey, Roxas. What’s up?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Terra asked, glancing at his completely unsuspecting children. Devastation was already all over Ventus' face.

There was no way. No way Sora was dead. Sora _never_ died. It was kind of his thing. That he could manage to die was impossible, ludicrous even.

“You think I would joke about this?!” Lea shouted. Terra winced at the sudden increase in volume. “Riku killed him an hour ago!”

In the distance, Terra could see Aqua staring at Rin and Kai as if they were the most vulnerable creatures in the world. In a way, they were, but Terra couldn’t exactly see the connection between them and Sora’s death.

“Is Sekai okay?” Terra asked.

The sound of crashing echoed from the other side of the line. “No. Yes. He’s fine physically, but Riku put a keyblade to his neck.”

Terra’s eyes immediately locked onto his children. Rin was looking appropriately grim.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?” she asked.

Terra shook his head. The world didn’t seem real anymore. Sora couldn’t possibly be dead. He would come back. He always came back.

“Where’s Riku?” Terra asked, his ears already buzzing.

“Where do you think?” Lea asked, “He left the minute Sora was dead like a coward.”

Terra stood up and walked away from the kids before he said something illicit in their presence. He still kept them in his line of vision, however.

“So, you’re telling me that Riku broke into Sora’s house, threatened his kid, and killed him?”

“Worse, he used magic to make himself look young and vulnerable and actually gained Sora’s trust for a couple of hours. He _played_ with his kid!”

Bile burned at Terra’s throat. “He _played_ with Sekai? Riku played with Sekai before killing his father?!”

“I think you’d better get to the mysterious tower,” Lea said, “We’re already there with Kairi and Namine.”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible.” Terra hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket. The simple action as harder than it should’ve been due to the fact that his hands were shaking excessively.

He ran back to Ventus and the kids. Aqua was already there, but she was still on the phone.

“This wasn’t your fault,” Aqua said firmly to Kairi, “Don’t think for a minute this is your fault.”

Ventus had clearly finished his conversation with Roxas, already packing up the remains of their dinner.

“We leaving?” Ventus asked tightly. He looked to be on the verge of screaming.

“Yeah,” Terra said, glancing at Aqua. She gave him a singular nod before returning her attention to Kairi.

“We’ll find him,” she was saying, “I promise you we’ll find him. He can’t hide from all of us.”

That wasn’t true. Riku was alarmingly good at hiding from them.

Guilt burned at Terra’s chest as he briefly told his very confused kids that they were going to be staying at the Mysterious Tower for a bit.

“Like a vacation?” Kai asked excitedly.

“Yeah,” Terra said, forcing the words past the lump in his throat, “Like a vacation.”

Terra could not so easily decieve Rin. “What happened?”

He needed to explain this. Terra prayed he would have the strength to do it. “Remember the stories Mommy, Daddy, and Ven tell you guys about Master Eraqus?”

Kai and Rin nodded.

“You know how we’ve told you he’s dead?”

More nods.

“Well, Sekai’s Daddy, Master Sora, is dead now.”

Kai and Rin gaped at him. “But, we saw him yesterday!” Kai exclaimed, “When Sekai came on the playdate!”

“We’re never going to see him again?” Rin asked. Her eyes were already filling with tears.

Terra so badly wanted to lie, to say that they would see Sora again, that everything was going to be alright. He wanted to believe that lie so badly. If it were true, maybe the guilt threatening to eat him whole would go away.

“No, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

It was Kai’s turn to look worried. “Are you going to die too?”

“No,” Terra said firmly, hating himself as he did it. There was no true guarantee of that these days, but he couldn’t bear to scare his children any more than they were. “No, Daddy isn’t going anywhere.”

He hugged his children tightly, pressing kisses firmly against their brow.

Aqua was already heading to Mysterious Tower, leaving Terra and Ventus with the children. Terra picked up the twins in each arm, realizing that they were getting a little big for this. Still, it would be faster to carry them.

One hour of rushed packing and careful buckling into the gummi-ship later, they landed at the Mysterious Tower.

“Don’t mention what happened to Sekai, okay?” Terra told his kids, “Unless he brings it up first.”

“Okay,” the twins said in unison.

Namine was the first one to meet Terra as he stepped off the vehicle. She was clearly livid, but in a way that if someone pressed against the right pressure points, she would shatter like glass.

“He _killed_ him!” she all but shrieked, “He went into their house and killed him!”

“I know,” Terra said heavily, trying to quell the bubbling rage rising in his own heart.

“I was going to visit today!” Namine sliced at a nearby tree with her keyblade with a distinct crunch. “I canceled yesterday because I realized I wasn’t going to make it. If I had gone—”

“He would’ve picked another day,” Terra said instantly, “You shouldn’t go blaming yourself. Riku’s the only one at fault.”

Terra felt like a liar, but Namine was not the one at fault for this tragedy. Definitely not Namine.

Too many frantic and angry conversations later, everyone found themselves in Master Yen Sid’s study, discussing their options.

“Did you try the Final World?” Terra asked, hope suddenly soaring. Maybe there really was a way to help Sora, maybe—

“He wasn’t there,” Kairi said shortly, “I looked everywhere, but not one of those stars were him.”

Hope crashed back down around him like the shattering of a million different crystals.

That night, Terra and Aqua had the children sleep in the same bed as them. They held each other close, almost as if they pretended that nothing was wrong, that no horrible thing could touch them, that Sora was alive and in the tower.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Aqua whispered over Kai’s head, “You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

“I bequeathed him,” Terra said, “I planted the seed.”

“You and I both know that Kairi would’ve done the same without your help.”

“Then I should’ve noticed. I should’ve gotten him out.”

Aqua reached across the kids, grabbed Terra’s hand and squeezed it. “You didn’t know,” she said, “This isn’t on you. _Riku_ was the one who did this. Not you.”

Terra smiled briefly. Then, he frowned again. Riku and Sora had been the most adorable children in the world. Now they were both dead, in their own respective ways.

“He used to be such a bright kid,” he whispered, “What went wrong?”

“The darkness has a habit of squashing out even the brightest of lights.” A tear trickled down Aqua’s cheek.

Terra gently squeezed Aqua’s soft hand. “We can get through this,” Terra muttered, “We always get through it.”

“Without Sora?” Aqua asked, “I’m not sure things will be that simple.”

“I never said it would be simple, but we will get through it. Eventually.”

“But not over it,” Aqua’s voice cracked.

“No. Never over it.”

And then Aqua and Axel found Riku the next evening, and everything changed.

First, Riku apparently had no memory of actually killing Sora, confirming Terra’s theory that he was trying to insult their intelligence. Second, he was still in his younger form, like the same trick was going to work twice!

It took three days for Terra to face Riku. Everyone wanted a turn at facing Riku, so they made an elaborate—and probably unnecessary—plan to confront Riku in the order they met him. Terra, Aqua, Ventus, Kairi, Mickey, Namine, Lea, Roxas, and Xion.

Terra got the first turn, and he was kind of glad to get an opportunity to speak his mind to the kid. Adult. Adult looking like a kid.

Terra entered the room, and Riku glanced up at him, looking blank.

Terra didn’t wait to cut to the chase.

“Remember when we first met?” he asked.

Riku looked like he wanted to answer, and Terra wanted to receive an answer, so Terra bent down and undid the gag around Riku’s face.

Riku took a couple of deep breaths before speaking. Terra waited for the mockery, the brief answer, the sarcastic remark, the angry taunt.

What Terra received instead was a perfect recital of the bequeathing ceremony Terra had done for Riku.

Shock came first. Then came the anger. If Riku had really bothered to remember that speech and then refused to act on it, that was almost worse than not remembering at all.

_As long as you champion the ones you love._

_“To protect the things that matter. You know, like my friends.”_

Sora was dead. There was a tombstone on Destiny Islands for him.

“You didn’t do it,” Terra said harshly.

Riku’s face became even more closed off than before. “You’re right,” he said, “I’m sorry.”

That might’ve worked on Terra before. But after being tricked by nearly every villain in existence, Terra wasn’t so easily fooled.

“Don’t lie to me.” Riku blanched. Good. “You have never been sorry. After all the things you’ve done, you have never been sorry. So, don’t pretend you’ve suddenly had a change of heart.”

Riku winced. “I’m sorry,” still stubbornly came out of his mouth. Terra felt a familiar anger boil up.

“ _Don’t lie to me.”_

Riku leaned back with his eyes closed. Terra forced the anger down. He hated it when he lost control of his emotions, when he let the anger free. Aqua told him he was allowed to feel, that he was allowed to be angry, but every time he did, he could hear Xehanort’s voice whispering in his head.

_“Let all that anger out, my boy!”_

With a sigh, Terra sunk to the ground and leaned against the wall across from Riku.

“You were such a bright kid,” Terra muttered to himself, “What went wrong?”

Terra wasn’t expecting a reply, but reply Riku did. “I was desperate.”

Terra snapped his head toward Riku, who was looking uncharacteristically somber. “What was that?”

And so, the kid… adult… adult pretending to be a kid told his tale, explained his reasoning behind turning to the darkness. Terra pitied Riku, but that changed nothing.

Especially when Riku began explaining a _very_ different series events than what happened. It seemed that the mind-games never ceased. Terra had enough of them for one day, and he left the room feeling more confused than ever. Why would Riku even try to dispute the truth? Didn’t he know that didn’t help his case at all?

It was a couple days later when he finally told everyone about the conversation. It got the expected reaction. Riku was lying, everyone agreed. He was trying a new angle in order to kill them all in their beds.

“Why didn’t he just try that to begin with?” Roxas asked, “Wouldn’t that be easier than getting chained up?”

“He likes playing the game,” Namine whispered, “We all know that.”

The heavy silence was suffocating.

Terra massaged his temple. “I just can’t get it out of my head. What if he isn’t lying? What if he’s as confused as he says he is?”

Terra couldn’t afford to think like that. He knew that this was exactly how Sora got killed. Sora couldn’t stand the idea that he could turn away Riku when Riku might mean it this time.

“He’s not,” Kairi snapped.

“He’s not,” Aqua agreed. She stood up. “My turn to talk to him next?”

Murmurs of assent filled the space. Terra squeezed her hand as Aqua passed. “Good luck,” he muttered.

Aqua squeezed Terra’s hand so tightly that he almost felt his circulation cut off. Then, she let go. “I’ll be fine,” she whispered.

Terra shouldn't have been surprised when Kairi and Lea both almost killed Riku in the following days.

“I’ve told you before, I wasn’t trying to kill him,” Axel muttered mutinously, “Will you get it memorized already?”

“You got pretty close,” Xion argued quietly, “He dissociated.”

Roxas crossed his arms. “So what? Why should we care? I love you, Xion, but you have a bleeding heart.”

“I’m not saying he didn’t do horrible things,” Xion said, “But think about it. Wouldn’t Riku give it up when he realized that his trick wasn’t working?”

“Not if he’s determined,” Namine said. There was a fiery gleam in her eyes. “I think Lea did fine.”

Terra couldn’t think of anything to add to the conversation. Ventus started arguing on Xion’s side, but Riku’s proponents were being outnumbered. Kairi, Aqua, Namine, Lea, and Roxas all agreed that this was an elaborate trick.

Terra, Yen Sid, and Mickey were neutral. Terra didn’t know what to think anymore. Riku really didn’t seem like he was lying, but Terra had never been an excellent judge of this sort of thing.

For various reasons, a fair amount of chaos ensued the next day.

It started quietly enough. Terra and Aqua had gotten out of bed, made sure the kids were still safely asleep in their own, and ate a quiet breakfast of eggs on toast. Ventus joined them halfway through, serving himself a large cup of coffee.

Twenty years ago, Ventus wouldn’t go near coffee with a ten-foot keyblade. Times change.

After their breakfast, they met Lea half-way down the hall when Xion ran up to them.

“Riku remembers,” she said, “He’s implied that he remembers.”

“Really?” Terra asked.

“He also has a gash down his cheek,” she said, “We don’t know where it came from.”

That was bad. That was terrible. Terra prayed the gash came from one guardian of light in the tower. Otherwise… there were some major problems with security.

Everyone ran around, asking if _they_ happened to be the one who maimed Riku. Axel went toward Riku’s prison, muttering something about doing something about that cut.

Everyone quickly found themselves in Master Yen Sid’s office, trying to decide what happened.

“If anyone attacked Riku, please come forward,” Yen Sid said, “If not, there is something darker afoot.”

The silence was sickening.

Axel slamming the door open broke it abruptly.

“Ventus, I choose you,” he said, pointing at the blonde man, “I don’t trust Riku to find some way to kill himself while I’m not there.”

Terra grew increasingly alarmed. Since when was Axel on Riku’s side?

Ventus practically dashed out of the room.

Then, Kairi slammed her way into the room, looking to be close to hysterics; Sekai was sitting on her hip. “It wasn’t any of us. Sekai just told me that he was pulled through a dark corridor and ended up in a room with a long-haired man with an eyepatch and Riku.”

“Luxu,” Master Yen Sid muttered.

They immediately heightened security around the castle.

About two hours later, Riku showed up on their front lawn. _Their_ Riku.

“I heard I have a counterpart in the tower,” Riku said, his voice always a little maniacal. He was back at his original age. “I wanted to meet him.”

Kairi screamed and attacked. Terra and the others, bar Xion, immediately joined in. Soon, there was nothing but a blur of darkness, the clashing of keyblades, magical spells, and then, nothing.

Riku was gone. He left.

Immediately, Kairi, Terra and Aqua sprinted toward the tower, desperate to know if their kids were okay.

They found Rin, Kai, and Sekai completely unharmed and oblivious. Riku had simply left, it seemed.

Terra traded shifts with Xion half-way through the younger Riku’s nap. Xion assured him that Riku hadn’t once left the room, but she looked pretty shaken at Riku being right outside.

The younger Riku was obviously a mess. Terra brought him a sandwich. It didn’t help much with his guilt.

“We were wrong,” Terra told Aqua quietly that night, sitting on their bed, “We were wrong.”

“We still don’t know that he’s not the same,” Aqua whispered, rubbing his back comfortingly.

“And if he’s not?” Terra asked, “And if he’s exactly who he says he is? Kairi almost _killed_ him. And today, he wanted me to kill him.”

Aqua sighed. “We’ll see, but you weren’t the only one. _All_ of us were wrong.”

Riku stopped eating. He started working himself into the ground. Terra could hear his heavy breathing from the hallway as he passed.

Then, one day, Rin approached Terra and Aqua slowly, looking like she was going to her funeral.

“Rin? What happened?” Aqua immediately got down to her knees, checking for any injuries.

“Kai and I talked to Mister Riku,” she said, “He told me to tell you because you said he was dangerous.” She straightened slightly after the confession. “But I don’t think he is,” she said stoutly, “I think he’s sad and lonely and likes banana in his cereal.”

Terra couldn’t be more horrified and prouder at the same time. Aqua was leaning toward horrified, it seemed.

“Stay where you are,” she told Rin firmly, “Where’s Kai now?”

Rin pointed at the door. “In the kitchen.”

Aqua marched out immediately. In a few minutes, she returned with Kai, who looked like they had cheated him out of a superb prize.

“He’s not dangerous!” he protested, “He made me cereal!”

“He made you cereal?” Aqua asked, dangerously close to losing her temper.

“Kai, Rin, you know we told you not to talk to him,” Terra said, “We don’t want you to get hurt.”

“That’s what Mister Riku said,” Rin said. Kai sulked.

“Well, he would be right,” Terra agreed.

Aqua mercilessly grounded the kids. Aqua also seemed completely turned over to Riku’s side after that affair. Especially after Lauriam nearly killed him.

The vote to let Riku’s restraints off took some time. Terra, Aqua, Ventus, Roxas, Xion, and Axel were one hundred percent willing to let Riku have free-reign of the house.

Lauriam, despite his outburst earlier, seemed willing to give him a chance after he calmed down. Master Yen Sid also seemed to be fine with the idea.

Namine and Kairi were the ones putting their foot down. Terra understood.

It took three days for Namine and Kairi to come up with a compromise. Namine would move out, and Kairi was willing to give him a chance for the sake of their old friendship.

It took another ten days for everyone to agree that Riku could leave the Mysterious Tower with supervision. Terra volunteered to go first.

Terra wasn’t terribly surprised when Riku asked to go to Destiny Islands. He wasn’t even all that surprised when the first place they visited was Riku’s old house.

Still, it was frankly heartbreaking, watching Riku walk through his own home with various degrees of blankness, depression, and anger written on his face.

When Riku put the picture of his mother in his pocket, Terra wanted to make sure that Riku was as fine as he said he was.

Riku nodded. Pretty good sign Riku was anything but fine.

Terra knew better than to push it, though. When Riku apologized, Terra shut that down immediately. The kid had nothing to apologize for.

It wasn’t until they were safely back in the Gummi ship that Terra turned to the kid.

“What were you looking for?” he asked, “Maybe I can help you.”

Riku said nothing for a moment before admitting. “I was just trying to see if there was anything about my brother,” he said with faux casualness, “Apparently I had one.”

Oh. _Oh._

Terra had only met Riku’s brother once, on that first visit at Destiny Islands. But he owed it to Riku to tell him everything he knew.

“I met him once,” Terra said, mimicking Riku’s casualness. He leaned back into his chair. “He was watching you from a distance when I bequeathed you.”

Riku leaned forward. There was a hopeful gleam in his eye, but Terra could tell that he was trying not to look too excited. “Really? Did you, uh, talk to him?”

“Yeah,” Terra said, “He wanted to know what I was talking to you about. You should’ve seen him, he was fifteen, but he might as well have been older than me with the way he leveled me with that glare. It was almost like he were daring me to hurt you.”

Riku smiled. Terra kept going.

“He looked a lot like you,” he said, “But that’s pretty obvious. Um…I told him that I was just showing him something, so he demanded to know what I was showing you.”

In hindsight, Terra realized that the entire ceremony would seem really sketchy from an outside point of view.

“What did you do?” Riku asked, seeming to follow this line of thought.

“I gave up and showed him my keyblade. Swore him to silence. He agreed, but I couldn’t shake off the fact that I was getting some suspicious glares before I left.”

They fell into a comfortable silence. Terra turned back to the steering wheel and returned to driving the ship.

“Terra?”

Terra looked over to Riku. He looked more content than Terra had ever seen him. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“It’s nothing,” Terra said.

“It wasn’t,” Riku said, “Not telling me anything would’ve been nothing. You gave me _something._ So, thanks.”

Terra smiled in spite of himself. “You’re welcome.”

Riku wasn’t okay. That much was obvious. And Terra was all too aware of the guilt in his chest for not helping at the beginning. But, now, Terra felt assured that there was hope. Hope that things would be okay. That Riku would be okay.

It was still a long way off, but after all these years, Terra knew a bit of hope could go a long way. And, if Riku wasn’t willing to hope for himself, Terra would have to hope for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a Terra interlude to fill in some of the gaps.
> 
> I sat down and wrote three chapters ahead last week, so you guys get an earlier update this week. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truths are revealed. Decisions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: mentioned rape, self-harm, suicidal thoughts

Riku was beginning to find a rhythm. Every day, he would help the others fight heartless, write in his journal, and try to gather clues about the mysteries still surrounding him.

A lot of the time, when Riku asked about his brother, he’d get some unspecific recollections, but there was always something missing, always something they weren’t telling him.

Most of the time, Riku was glad that they were giving him any information at all, anything to write down in the back page of his journal, anything to make this non-existent person more real in Riku’s life.

Other times, the missing pieces were like a bad itch underneath his skin, something that he needed to know, that he needed to figure out.

Of course, the best person to talk to would be Kairi, but Kairi was giving Riku the cold shoulder. He didn’t blame her. Heck, sometimes he wished everyone would treat him that way. Being happy felt like a crime when Sora was dead, especially when Riku was the one to kill him in the first place, and the fact that Riku could be happy with the others made his stomach churn.

He promised Lea he wouldn’t do self-harm. He promised.

_The cut on his cheeks was still a scab. It would be so easy to claw it off, to prolong the pain._

But that was too obvious, and Riku resisted such temptations. However, he did find himself digging his nails into his forearm when he was feeling particularly bad bouts of guilt or grief.

Xion noticed, on one of their missions.

“What happened to your arm? Did a heartless get it?”

She cast heal before Riku replied. Then she stood quietly, waiting for an answer. The silence was suffocating.

“Yeah,” Riku lied, “A heartless got it.” He stared at his arm, dotted with scars from battles long past. There was no sign of the small, red crescent moons.

Xion nodded, but Riku wasn’t sure if she accepted his lie. Still, it was convincing enough for Xion to not bring it up again.

Riku hated it. He hated he was a good liar, hated that he was lying now, hated that Xion seemingly couldn’t see through his falsehood. If Riku was a poor liar, maybe he could distinguish himself from the monster that killed Sora.

But Riku noticed the similarities so often that he could hardly see the differences at all.

Tension was buzzing all over the tower. Riku’s counterpart hadn’t shown his face in weeks now, and everyone was waiting for him to come, for him to reveal himself spectacularly, for disaster to strike.

The tension was probably one of the major causes for what was about to occur. Even Riku could tell that something was going to happen, related to him or not.

To nobody’s surprise, it ended up being related to him. As a matter of fact, he ended up being one of the main causes. Riku hadn’t been trying to cause any trouble, but he had an unfortunate habit of it on the best of days.

It all started on an unsuspecting Saturday. Riku had just returned from a mission with Aqua, who had shown him some more intricacies of magic. Riku had an abnormal amount of difficulty with the graviga spell.

“You’ll get it,” Aqua assured him, “It’s one of the trickier ones, but once you do get it, we’ll have heartless floating all over the place.”

Riku appreciated the feedback, and internally rehearsed the spell as he walked toward the living area.

Typically, when Riku went into the living area, he would find one guardian or one of the twins hanging around. Kai and Rin would sometimes rope him into a card game.

The first time Terra and Aqua had allowed Rin and Kai to play with Riku, responsibility felt like it was crushing him. Terra and Aqua were trusting him to not do anything, to not hurt their children. Of course, Riku would never dream of hurting the twins, but that they would even consider trusting Riku with their kids after what happened to Sekai was honestly astounding to him.

Riku wouldn’t betray that trust.

Today, however, nobody was in the room. Riku stepped inside anyway, his eyes on the couch. Maybe he could get a quick nap. He froze when he heard an excited squeal.

“Tweet tweet!”

Turning around, Riku saw Sekai staring out the window pointing out some birds that were perched on one of the taller trees outside.

Riku slowly backed away, getting ready to close the door behind him and pretend that he had never seen Sora and Kairi’s son. _Was that window open?_

Then, Sekai leaned a little too far forward. Riku knew what was going to happen the second before Sekai tumbled over the side with a shrill scream.

Riku didn’t think. He sprinted toward the window, summoned his keyblade, and jumped out of the window. Sekai was quickly getting too close to the ground, and Riku pointed his keyblade at him. Suspended in mid-air, Riku cast the spell.

“ _Graviga_!”

_Please work, please work, please work._

Sekai stopped his descent and started floating upward. Upon realizing that he wasn’t falling to the ground anymore, Sekai’s screams petered out. As a matter of fact, the toddler started giggling.

Gravity overtook Riku, and he wrapped his fingers tightly around the edge of the windowsill before he hit the ground. While Riku _could_ land safely, it would be easier to grab Sekai from up here. He dispelled his keyblade, and when Sekai floated high enough toward Riku, Riku grabbed him with his free hand.

Sekai froze, looking up at Riku in horror. Then, he began kicking and scratching Riku, screaming at the top of his lungs. Trying his hardest to ignore Sekai’s struggle, Riku used all of the upper body strength he ever had and heaved himself back into the tower.

As soon as Riku’s feet hit the floor, he put Sekai down on the ground. Still screaming, Sekai sprinted toward the figure standing at the entrance of the living area. Riku turned to bolt the window shut.

“Mommy!” Sekai cried, “I fell, and he grabbed me, and—”

“ _What_ did you do?”

Riku turned around slowly, sick with dread.

Kairi was wrath incarnate. She carried Sekai on her hip, but that didn’t change the blazing fury in her eyes and the way teeth were bared like a shark. Her keyblade glinted in her hand, and it promised _pain._

This Kairi would give Axel a run for his money.

“Nothing,” Riku said immediately, digging his nails into his forearm. Was he really trying to defend himself?

Kairi’s voice suddenly became sickly sweet.

“I think we would both beg to differ,” Kairi said, gesturing to Sekai, “Why don’t you tell me what really happened?”

Riku gestured toward the window. “Sekai was watching the birds, and he was leaning out the window, so—”

“You pushed him out?” Kairi prompted.

“What? No!” Riku shook his head immediately. “I would _never—”_

“We all know that’s not true.” Kairi’s voice faltered, and Riku wondered if she was going to revert to yelling. It would be certainly less terrifying than the voice Kairi had put on right now. “We both know what you can do, what you already _have_ done.”

Riku forced himself to let go of his forearm. His skin throbbed slightly where his nails once were.

“Well, today, Sekai accidently fell out the window, and I went to save him,” Riku said, forcing his voice to stay level, “That’s all that happened, I _swear.”_

Roxas stepped into the room. “Hey…guys?” His voice lost confidence as he saw Riku and Kairi in the same room.

“Roxas, can you take Sekai out for a moment?” Kairi said, her voice still sickly sweet.

Roxas obeyed without hesitation, taking Sekai into his arms and practically dashing out of the room. Riku didn’t blame him.

The minute the door was shut, Kairi marched toward Riku and stopped about a foot away from him.

“Don’t pretend you have the moral high ground here,” she hissed, dropping the sweet facade, “Don’t you dare pretend.”

“I’m not _pretending_ ,” Riku said. It was getting harder to mask the frustration. “I know I did terrible things, but you can’t deny that I just saved Sekai’s life.”

“And I’m grateful.” She didn’t sound particularly grateful. “But you _stay away_ from my son. You don’t deserve to be anywhere near him.”

“I know that,” Riku said immediately, “But if I wasn’t there—”

“Stop _pretending.”_ Kairi’s hiss was becoming a low growl, and she jabbed Riku in the chest with her finger. “You can pretend that you’re a good person from where you’re from, but we both know what a good liar you are.”

“I know.” Riku took a step backward, his back hitting the wall. “But I _promise_ I would never hurt Sora.”

“You already have.” Kairi’s hands were tightening into tight fists. “You don’t even deny what you did to Sora.”

Riku shut his eyes, trying to push away the memories of his betrayal. He tried to forget pushing away Sora and going to the Darkness. He tried to repress the sound of Maleficent’s honeyed words being whispered into his ear.

“You’re right,” Riku whispered, opening his eyes, “But that doesn’t mean I’m not trying to change! If you could just—”

“You have _never_ tried to change,” Kairi snapped.

“If you believe that so strongly, why did you agree to let me out?!” Riku’s voice began rising steadily. He was just so _confused._ “You could’ve killed me, or left me to rot in prison, but instead you let me go out with the others and fight heartless!”

Kairi had almost killed him. Sometimes, Riku wished that Kairi had succeeded that day.

Kairi stared at Riku, her mouth half open. She looked like she was about to slap him. Riku belatedly realized that he shouldn’t have yelled. He _should not_ have yelled. He was already hanging onto a delicate balance. Did he just throw away his freedom?

Was it wrong that Riku was relieved to be going back to his prison?

Kairi’s voice was quieter when she next spoke. “You… you reminded me of how things used to be. Before all of this. You used to be my best friend.” Her voice cracked. “And _you_ weren’t the same person that killed Sora, so I decided to give you a chance. Just one.”

Her last words were hardly more than a whisper. _“It’s what Sora would’ve done.”_

Riku didn’t trust himself to say anything. He missed being friends with Kairi. He missed hanging out on the beach with her and Sora. He missed how free they used to be.

Kairi’s face hardened suddenly, and every muscle in Riku’s body tensed in anticipation. “But every time I look at you, all I can see is the man who hurt Namine, the man who killed _so many.”_

And Riku found his voice again, all of the questions that had been oppressing him for weeks exploding out like a hurricane.

“None of you have told me what I’ve done to Namine.” Riku tightened his hands into fists. “None of you tell me _anything!_ If you want me to stop pretending, stop keeping secrets!”

Kairi stared at Riku in shock.

“You want me to stop keeping secrets?” Kairi asked, “Fine, I’ll tell you _everything.”_

Riku was beginning to have regrets, but he didn’t interrupt Kairi as she began to speak, counting things off on her fingers.

“Your brother ran away from home when you were fourteen, leaving you behind. He turned out to be a raving maniac, which obviously runs in the family. When you joined Organization XIII, the Organization kidnapped Namine from DiZ to bait me and Sora into rescuing her. Do you want to know what happened? Do you want to know what you did to _motivate_ me?”

Yes. No. Riku didn’t know. He didn’t get the opportunity to answer as Kairi pushed him deeper into the wall, looking ready to punch Riku in the face.

“You _raped_ her.”

Riku took a moment to process the words. Then, his ears started ringing, echoing Kairi’s reveal over and over again.

He was never going to be able to look Namine in the eyes again, no matter which world she came from. Riku would never be able to say anything to her without thinking about what he did in another life, what he _could’ve_ done had he gone down a different road.

“You have destroyed _countless_ lives,” Kairi continued, “Do you want me to tell you how exactly you killed Isa? When exactly you killed Ienzo? Why exactly you killed Minnie?”

“No,” Riku whispered. His eyes burned. “No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“I will _never_ forgive you.” Kairi’s eyes burned into Riku’s own. “Everyone else might be fine with you being here, but I will _never ever_ forgive you. Alternate reality or not.”

And with that, she spun around and left the room, leaving Riku alone in silence.

Riku wasn’t sure how long it took for him to leave the living area, but he felt empty as he walked toward his bedroom.

“Hey, Riku, what’s going on?” Lea asked as he passed Riku in the hall.

Riku forced his mouth to move. “I just…need to think. Alone.”

Lea gave Riku a long look. “If you say so…”

Riku reached his room pretty quickly, but it took him a couple of tries to completely turn the knob. His hands were shaking too much. Finally, Riku thrust the door open.

He went straight to his bed, reaching underneath his mattress until he found his notebook.

After fumbling for a pencil, Riku wrote everything Kairi just told him, the horrible truths that would never leave him, and the guilt that had re-surged like a tsunami.

 _I’m sorry, Namine._ He wrote.

Riku had ruined so many lives. So many people were dead. So many people had suffered. All because of _him._ All because of Riku.

He needed to be stopped.

The last thing he wrote in the journal was a messy scrawl, something that nobody was probably going to read except for Riku.

_Kill Riku._

Riku glanced at the night sky and then back at the notebook lying closed on his bed. It was probably the last time he was going to see that notebook.

Riku forced himself to look away and opened his window.

“What the heck are you doing?”

Riku turned around to see Lea standing in the door-frame, his arms crossed.

“Leaving,” Riku said.

“Obviously,” Lea said, “Be more specific.”

“I’ve... Riku has ruined too many lives,” Riku said, “I’m going to stop him.” He turned to the window.

Lea crossed the room and grabbed Riku by the arm. “Are you kidding? He’ll kill you!”

“Then, it’s no loss,” Riku snarled, yanking his arm out of Lea’s grip, “I’m already hated, and there’s no forgiving what I’ve done, so I might as well take this Riku with me.”

“No way,” Lea said, summoning his keyblade, “You’re not going anywhere.”

Riku gave him a sad smile. “Try and stop me.”

And before Lea could do anything, Riku leapt out the window. The air rushed around him, but Riku landed with a perfect roll. Then, he was running to where they kept the Gummi Ships.

Lea’s distant shout could hardly be heard in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't really think of something to write in the notes this time, so...
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


	9. Namine Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Namine blinked. She was still standing exactly knee deep in the ocean of Destiny Islands. Nothing had changed.
> 
> “Riku?” she asked, “What do you think that was?”
> 
> Riku didn’t answer. Strange. It wasn’t like Riku to ignore Namine completely unless he was reminiscing about something. Namine turned back to him, ready to ask him what was wrong.
> 
> Riku wasn’t there. Just empty air where Riku once stood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: non consensual touching (just grabbing waist, not long at all), talk of murder, self-degrading thoughts

“Hey, Namine, you see that?”

From her spot in the ocean, Namine looked in the direction Riku was pointing. There was a flash of light, a burst of heat, and then…everything was white.

Namine blinked. She was still standing exactly knee deep in the ocean of Destiny Islands. Nothing had changed.

“Riku?” she asked, “What do you think that was?”

Riku didn’t answer. Strange. It wasn’t like Riku to ignore Namine completely unless he was reminiscing about something. Namine turned back to him, ready to ask him what was wrong.

Riku wasn’t there. Just empty air where Riku once stood.

“Riku? Riku!” Namine pushed against the water as she waded out of the ocean, searching for her friend. “Riku! Where did you go?”

No answer. Namine did her best not to panic. She was alone, but that was okay. Namine could handle herself alone. She just needed to figure out where Riku was.

What if he had disappeared, like Sora? What if he was gone? What if Namine would never see him again?

 _Don’t be silly,_ Namine told herself sternly, _Riku’s fine._

Riku, as Namine would learn in the future, was not fine, but she knew nothing of what was going on in the Mysterious Tower.

“If I were Riku,” Namine muttered, “Where would I go?”

Not Riku’s house, that was for sure. Namine had only heard small, mostly insignificant stories about Riku’s home life, but since most of the time he used them as a frame of comparison for their time with DiZ, Namine knew it couldn’t be good.

Sora’s house. Riku would go to Sora’s house. That’s where they were heading to begin with. Maybe Riku had told Namine that he was going on ahead, and she simply missed him saying it.

Namine reached Sora’s house with relatively little difficulty, but when she knocked on the door, nobody answered. Namine tried again with more vigor. Nothing.

Sora’s mother must not be home, Namine decided. But if that were the case, where was she? Where was Riku? Maybe she wanted to run an errand with him? It wasn’t likely, but it wasn’t impossible. Right?

Namine wandered around the island for a little while, wondering if she shouldn’t just head back to Kairi’s home and hope that Riku would explain in a phone call.

Namine left her phone at home.

Just as she resolved to turn around and head home, Namine saw a group of people in black. It looked almost like a funeral. As a matter of fact, it looked a lot like the memory Namine pieced together of Sora’s father’s funeral.

_Witch, going through Sora’s vulnerable moments like that. Witch, for messing with the memories to begin with._

Namine pushed away the hateful thoughts. She wasn’t a witch. She was a person. She was a person with feelings. She _wasn’t_ a witch.

Namine headed toward the group of black. It was almost certainly a funeral. Namine could see the cemetery more clearly.

Among the sea of black, Namine could see Sora’s mother. She was wearing a black dress, and her eyes were red and puffy, almost like she had been crying for a very long time.

“Where’s Kairi?” someone was asking her.

“You just missed her,” she said, “She and her friends already left.”

Kairi was here? But wasn’t she asleep at Radiant Garden? Namine could’ve sworn that Riku told her…

Maybe Kairi found Sora. Maybe that’s why Riku left!

Without her?

That didn’t sound like the Riku she knew at all.

Namine wanted to ask Sora’s mother, but people were still talking to her, and she would hate to interrupt.

Instead, she went to the tombstone that was adorned with colorful leis. Maybe this would provide some answers.

Crouching down, Namine read the inscription.

_In memory of Sora_

_Beloved son, husband, father, and friend._

_May his heart be his guiding key_

Namine stared. She looked around. She stared back at the tombstone. Her heart beat uncomfortably against her chest, as she stared at the freshness of stone, how the grave was clearly brand new.

But…none of this made sense. Sora wasn’t married. Sora didn’t have children. Sora wasn’t _dead._

If he was though, that would explain why Riku suddenly vanished. Sora was always top priority for Riku. Still, Namine would have thought that he would have told her first, after everything they’ve been through together.

Namine noticed a small inscription of the years Sora lived on the tombstone. The year of birth looked about right, but the year of death?

It was nine years from now.

“I don’t understand,” Namine said, “How could this happen?”

An old woman stood next to her squatted form. “I don’t know,” she sighed, “He was such a fine young man. No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose.”

The woman looked around as though searching for something. Namine pulled herself to her feet, feeling like she was in a very strange dream.

“I remember a time when these islands were safe,” the woman continued, “If there were murders, you hardly ever heard of them. There were rumors about that Lucrecia, but most people think Richard wasn’t guilty. He was murdered himself!”

“Who?” Namine asked.

The woman blinked. “What? Haven’t you heard?”

Namine shook her head. “I’m new around here.”

“Really? You look awfully similar to that Namine girl. She was a quiet soul at first, if I’m remembering correctly. Anyway, as I was saying earlier, Richard was that Riku’s father, a nasty man.”

“He’s…dead?” Namine asked.

If _she_ was remembering correctly, Riku’s father approached her just days before. Then again, it was possible that she was ten years in the future, so who knew at this point?

“Yes, keep up,” she said, “They found him in his bed with his throat slit. Caused a mighty lot of unease. Young Titus was under some scrutiny for not being horrified enough, but I didn’t blame him. Then, he ran off with that Yuna girl.”

The woman sighed heavily. “If I’m remembering correctly, they believe that the man’s own son, Riku, was the murderer.”

Namine started. “ _Riku?”_

The woman waved her hand as if she were swatting a fly. “Don’t youth of today pay any attention? This happened at least five years ago. But, yes, it’s a shame too. If I’m remembering correctly, that young Riku was always such a studious young man. Of course, his brother was a bit of a cold one, but he ran off also.”

The woman hesitated. “What it is with all these young folks running off and leaving their elders behind? Even young Sora and young Kairi run off to who knows where. Why, if I’m remembering correctly, when I was a little girl, there was talk of a young man leaving the islands.”

“I don’t know,” Namine said politely, trying to figure out how to get out of this conversation.

“Well, of course you don’t, you weren’t there,” the woman sighed, “I blame that blasted media, telling children about grand adventures. It’s far better—safer, mind you—to just stay right where you are.”

A young woman with white hair and cat ears approached the pair. “Master Matoya, we must begin heading home,” she said.

“Ah, Y’shtola, my girl, I was just talking to…” Matoya peered at Namine suspiciously. “If I’m remembering correctly, you never gave me your name.”

“Ah…” Namine scrambled to think of a name that wasn’t her own. If Matoya already knew the Namine of the future, there was no need to add to the confusion. “Nami.”

“We really must get going,” Y’shtola said, leading Matoya away from Namine, “I apologize for her, her gossip gets worse with age.”

Matoya gave Y’shtola a severe look. “Don’t you talk about me like that.”

Namine smiled and shook her head. “It’s fine.”

Y’shtola and Matoya disappeared among the thinning crowd of funeral goers. Namine stood there for a moment, glancing back at Sora’s tombstone, before marching away from the cemetery herself.

Namine was in the future. If Namine was in the future, where was Riku? He must be so worried if Namine just disappeared in thin air in front of him. Maybe she could get back right where she started. Yeah, she could do that.

She had no idea how to get back.

Namine heard the sound of approaching footsteps on the lonely island path before she heard a familiar voice. “Namine!”

Namine turned toward the newcomer. “Riku?”

Sure enough, Riku—her Riku, not one at an older age—was walking toward her, grinning widely.

“Namine, you’re here too?”

Namine nodded and found herself smiling back. “Yeah.” She glanced at the setting sun. “Do you know how we got here?”

Riku shook his head. “No idea.” He glanced down the beach. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

Namine let out a small gasp of surprise when Riku grabbed Namine’s hand tightly and led her down the beach.

“I can follow you by myself, you know,” Namine told Riku pointedly, “You don’t have to hold my hand.”

Riku raised his eyebrows and smiled slightly. “Sorry.”

He let go. Namine messaged her hand, which had little red marks on it.

“Where are we going?” Namine asked, curiosity overcoming her as she followed Riku.

“You’ll see.”

They stopped in front of a house overlooking the ocean. It was small, but the walls were painted a lovely lavender, and Namine thought it looked quite cute.

“This is where Sora lived,” Riku said.

Oh. Right.

“Riku…are you okay?” Namine asked.

Riku frowned, his eyebrows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Sora’s your best friend,” Namine said, “Aren’t you…upset that he’s dead so soon in the future?”

Namine was. Namine was so upset that she wished she didn’t have a heart for a moment. Maybe then the pain would go away.

Still, there was a glimmer of hope, just like the sun that was steadily setting, causing a symphony of colors to spill over the horizon. Maybe…just maybe…Namine could figure out how Sora died. Maybe she could save him.

Riku, however, didn’t look upset at all. As a matter of fact, he _smiled._

“Oh.” And suddenly, Riku’s hands were on Namine’s waist. Her heart began beating faster than she could think, a shudder ran through her entire body, her skin crawled where Riku was touching her. “This _isn’t_ the future.”

“Riku.” Namine’s voice shook, but she didn’t hesitate when she grabbed Riku’s wrists. “Let go of me. _Now.”_

“ _Make_ me,” Riku whispered.

Namine didn’t hesitate. Kneeing Riku in the groin, Namine pried Riku’s hands off of her waist. While Riku was doubled down in pain, Namine summoned her keyblade and pointed it at him, comforted by the familiar sensation of cold metal in her hand.

“Who are you, and what have you done to Riku?” Namine forced her keyblade and voice to stay steady. To not shake. To not reveal how scared, how shaken, she actually was.

‘Riku’ slowly straightened, grinning so widely that Namine could count every one of his teeth. It felt as predatory as Larxene’s laughter.

“That’s new,” he said, glancing at Namine’s keyblade, “Namine’s keyblade is different than that.”

“I _am_ Namine,” Namine hissed, “Where is Riku?”

“Why are you so sure that I’m not him?” The imposter asked, stepping closer to Namine. Namine took a step back, making sure her keyblade was aimed straight toward the imposter’s chest.

“Riku would _never_ touch me like that.” Namine was sure of it. “ _Never.”_

‘Riku’ made a face of disgust as he glanced off toward the distance. “So we have a good boy on our hands, don’t we?”

“Who are you?” Namine said again.

The imposter only grinned. Namine thrust her keyblade closer toward his chest. ‘Riku’ laughed.

“You have no idea how to use that, do you?”

Namine forced herself not to falter. “I’m a fast learner.”

With a _shing,_ ‘Riku’ summoned his own keyblade, but it wasn’t _Riku’s_ keyblade. It was different, darker and more jagged. But it didn’t look like _Road to Dawn_ either.

“Give me a minute,” the imposter said, raising his keyblade and muttering a spell under his breath.

And suddenly, Riku’s form began changing. He became slightly taller, his hair grew longer and came into a ponytail, and his teal eyes became a bright yellow.

He wasn’t Riku, but he was.

“So, you’re beginning to get it.” Not-Riku pointed his own keyblade toward her. “I _am_ Riku. Just not _your_ Riku.”

This can’t be the future. How could it? Riku was nothing like the man, the monster, in front of her.

“Before, you said this wasn’t the future,” Namine said, “What is it then?”

Riku shrugged. “I guess it’s a mystery.”

Frustration sizzled underneath Namine like Larxene’s lightning. After years and years of being manhandled and abused, she wouldn’t let her frustration be suffocated. Not anymore.

“Tell me!”

Riku raised his keyblade. Namine barely got her keyblade up in time to block Riku’s hard strike. Her bare feet sunk into the sand.

“You _are_ a fast learner.” Riku twisted his keyblade around Namine’s, and her keyblade flew out of her hand. “Just, not fast enough.”

Namine’s keyblade disappeared into golden stars. Riku aimed his keyblade at Namine’s neck.

“Any last words?”

Namine snarled, re-summoned her keyblade, and shuffled away from Riku. “What have you done with Riku!”

A new voice rose in the distance, and Namine could hear another keyblade being summoned.

“Leave her alone!”

Riku’s confidence melted into a scowl. Namine looked over to the sound of the new voice. A woman in pink robes ran toward them. Her face was littered with scars.

“You again,” Riku growled, “What do you want?”

The woman pointed the keyblade at Riku, glaring fiercely at him. “I want you to stop hurting people.”

“You can’t beat me,” Riku said. He shifted his stance toward the woman. “No one can beat me.”

“If you believe that’s going to scare me, you clearly haven’t learned anything,” the woman said, looking tired, “I’ve seen more than you can imagine.”

“Somehow, I doubt that.”

Riku raised his keyblade and ran toward the woman. Namine could see the darkness leaking out of him when he quickly aimed a strike for her heart.

But the woman was faster. She blocked the blow, pushed Riku back, and aimed her own strike.

For a moment, Namine hoped that the woman would win immediately. That this horrifying monster wearing Riku’s face would be gone.

Riku was too skilled for that.

Namine couldn’t keep up with the loud clashing of keyblades, flashes of darkness from Riku, the bright light of the woman’s magic, and the sand being sprayed around from all sides.

Namine wanted to help, but she didn’t know how. Her keyblade ended up hanging uselessly on her side as she watched, useless, helpless, _worthless_.

“Just give it up, already!” Riku shouted as he dodged a swipe toward his head.

“I can’t do that.”

Eventually, they separated. Riku was breathing heavily, sweat dripping down his face. The woman was doing better, and she sprinted toward Riku while he tried to recover himself.

At the speed of light—or darkness, Namine supposed—Riku blipped out of the way.

“This has been fun,” he said through gasps, “But I have better things to do.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” The woman jumped toward Riku, ready to bring her keyblade down upon him…

Riku opened up a dark corridor and disappeared. The woman’s keyblade crashed into the sand.

“I almost had him that time,” she muttered to herself as she dispelled her keyblade.

Namine approached the woman slowly, unsure if she was hurt.

“Um…excuse me?”

The woman spun around at the sound of Namine’s voice, and Namine quickly backed away. Upon seeing it was Namine, however, the woman relaxed and sighed.

“Sorry,” she said, “I forgot you were there.”

“That’s alright,” Namine said quickly, “I was just wondering if you were hurt?”

The woman shook her head. “He wasn’t fast enough to hit me,” she said, “I always get so close, but then, he manages to get away.”

“How long have you been trying?” Namine asked. Judging by the eyebags underneath the woman’s eyes, a very long time. Or maybe she just doesn’t sleep.

“About three days,” the woman said. She glanced uncomfortably at the ocean. “I’d better get going.”

She turned around.

“Wait!” Namine grabbed the woman’s wrist. The woman flinched, and Namine immediately let go. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to know your name.”

The woman hesitated.

Namine was always good at reading emotions. Maybe it was her connection with memories, or maybe it was simply a skill she was born with. Regardless, Namine knew the look in the woman’s eyes.

She was scared. But what was she scared of? Surely not Namine, who could barely hold a keyblade, much less wield one. Surely not of not-Riku, who had to resort to _running away_ in order to come out on top.

“Ava,” the woman, _Ava,_ said eventually, “My name is Ava.”

Namine nodded and held out her hand to shake. “I’m Namine.”

Ava took shook her hand. She had a tight grip, but it wasn’t as tight as not-Riku’s hold had been.

“I know.”

And before Namine could ask what that meant, or how she knew, Ava turned around and vanished with the setting sun.

The next morning, Namine paid the hotel owner and walked back up the beach, trying to find some way to get back to her own world. Back to Riku.

Poor Riku. He must be worried sick.

She didn’t find much initially. Just a stretch of beach with an endless ocean.

On her twenty-seventh day of being trapped on Destiny Islands, Namine wondered if she was ever going to actually find a way off the islands or back to her time. Matoya and Y’shtola, upon hearing her plight, had been willing to let Namine stay with them for the time being, but Namine really didn’t want to overstay her welcome.

Would Sora and Kairi mind if Namine stayed at their house? Kairi clearly wasn’t using at all, or Namine would have seen her by now.

Namine sat down on the sandy shore and let the tide soak her toes. Why couldn’t things be simpler? Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Suddenly, Namine saw a familiar form of a duck walking toward her. Namine immediately leapt to her feet, ready to get off this island and find a way home.

The duck wasn’t Donald. No, it was actually…

“Uncle Scrooge?” Namine asked, surprised. She thought Uncle Scrooge was running the Bistro. “What are you doing here?”

Uncle Scrooge jumped and peered up at Namine. “Namine? No…you’re much too young to be Namine, aren’t you lass?” Uncle Scrooge took off his hat and bowed. “My apologies, I’m afraid my mind isn’t what it used to be in my old age. I’m still kicking though, don’t you fret.”

Uncle Scrooge chuckled and looked back up at Namine. “You know me, but I don’t seem to know you. Might you give me your name?”

Namine let out a small laugh. “Nami,” she said, “I was just looking for a way off world.”

“Oh, I see.” Scrooge tapped his webbed foot on the sand as he hummed, clearly thinking. “Ah, I’ve got just the thing!”

Uncle Scrooge pulled out a sparkling star.

“This is a Star Shard,” Scrooge said, holding the blue star up for Namine to see. He held his hand(wing?) to his mouth like he were telling Namine a secret. “They’re mighty rare, and mighty hard to find, so they gain a pretty price. However, I’ll be willing to give it to you for a discount.”

“How does it work?” Namine asked, taking the Star Shard in her hands. It had a cold, smooth surface, but Namine could feel the energy thrumming underneath, like it was ready to burst.

“It takes you to other worlds, of course,” Scrooge said with a wink, “Methinks you could make fine use out of it.”

Namine nodded and pulled out the rest of her money, which was about three-hundred. “This is all I have.”

“I’ll take it!” Scrooge snatched the money purse from Namine. Then, he hesitated. “Awww, but I’d hate to take _all_ your savings. Here, have a hundred back.”

For about five minutes, Scrooge meticulously counted one-hundred munny back into her palm.

“There you go, Namine—eh, Nami—have a good time now!”

Namine was about to thank him, but suddenly the Star Shard _pulled,_ and Namine found herself being flung into the sky.

Namine’s bare feet planted themselves firmly on soft grass. The sky was dark, and it took her a moment to notice the familiar tower toward her right. She must be at Mysterious Tower.

Strangely enough, she saw Axel—or Lea, as he liked to be called these days—running toward where she was pretty sure the Gummi Ships were kept. His phone was against his ear and was he shouting something?

Namine decided she might as well just run after him, just to be safe.

Lea was fast. Namine blamed his long legs. Still, Namine had _really_ improved her running speed while being trapped on Destiny Islands. There wasn’t much to do that month except go on long runs at the beach and sketch in a cheap sketchbook she bought. Running on solid ground was laughably easy compared to sand that impeded her every step.

She caught up with him just as he was approaching the ships.

“Are you guys coming yet?” Lea was saying impatiently on the phone.

Namine stopped next to Lea, breathing heavily. She wiped some sweat off of her forehead and straightened her ponytail.

“Lea,” Namine said, “What’s going on?”

Lea spun around looking at Namine in shock. “Namine?! How did you get here? Why are you—” Lea slumped. “Great, now there’s _two_ of you running around.”

“Two?” Namine asked, “You mean—”

“Yes, your friend Riku is here too,” Lea said impatiently, running his hand through his fulminous hair.

“Where is he?” Namine asked immediately. Suddenly, a horrible though occurred to her. “Did he meet _this_ world’s Riku? Because that’s going to devastate him, and—”

“Wait,” Lea interrupted, “ _You_ met Riku?”

Namine nodded. “Yeah, but I really think—”

“You’re okay, though? You’re not hurt?”

Sometimes it was really strange seeing Axel—Lea—this concerned about her well-being. Still, Namine wished he would let her finish her sentence.

“I’m _fine,”_ Namine huffed, “Could I please talk to Riku now?”

Lea groaned. Then, he glanced off into the distance. “ _Finally,_ they’re coming.”

Namine turned around to see almost all of the guardians of light running toward Lea. Terra got there first.

“He didn’t seriously—”

“He seriously did,” Lea said, “We need to find wherever the heck he’s going before he gets himself killed.”

This was not what Namine had in mind when she asked about Riku.

“Killed?” Namine turned to Lea. “What are you talking about? Where’s Riku?”

“He’s chasing down _our_ Riku,” Lea said quickly, “And he’s going to get himself killed!”

Aqua, Ventus, and Terra were already putting on their armor and turning their keyblades into vehicles. Roxas, Xion, and _Marluxia_ were running toward the gummi ships. Lea looked ready to do the same.

“Are you leaving me here?” Namine asked, trying not to feel hurt and failing.

“Listen, someone needs to look after the kids—”

“ _Kids?”_

“Yes, kids!” Lea pinched the bridge of his nose. “Kairi’s clearly not joining us, so you can stay with her.”

Namine didn’t move. “I’ve been waiting around for a month! You can’t cast me aside like this!”

She was done only being appreciated when she was useful.

“I’m not casting you aside, I’m keeping you safe!” Namine flinched; Lea lowered his voice. “Listen, if you go out there, you’ll become a liability. Do you really think Riku would want to put himself in danger?”

Well…no. That didn’t mean Namine had to like this arrangement. Because she didn’t. She didn’t like it at all.

“Fine,” Namine said, crossing her arms.

Suddenly, the star shard that was still in her hand began to thrum with energy. Both Namine and Lea looked down at it in surprise.

“Is that—”

Namine didn’t hear the rest of Lea’s inquiry as she was thrust into the sky. She hoped the star shard was leading her to Riku. She hoped Riku was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Namine is here, yay! Hopefully ya'll enjoyed this chapter because there is more to come. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good to see you’re not completely helpless,” the twisted version of Riku sneered, pressing down harder, “But you’re putting your talents to waste.”
> 
> Riku struggled to stay on his feet as he blocked and dodged each strike. His other self was barely breaking a sweat, and Riku knew the truth. His enemy was playing with him. If this version of Riku wanted to take him out, Riku would be dead in a second.
> 
> “You have no idea,” Riku gasped, “how many times I’ve had this conversation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, violence, fatal injuries, referenced abuse, self-destructive behavior, basically a suicide attempt,

It took Riku exactly four tries to find him. He knew he was on a limited time table. Lea, at any rate, was going to try to find him, judging by his poor reaction to Riku’s plan.

Riku didn’t care. Riku quickly searched the worlds, trying to find his counterpart, trying to find the person who had ruined so many lives.

He was in the forest of Twilight Town when he saw him. No disguises, no lies.

A twisted smile was on the other Riku’s face. It felt foreign, to see Riku’s own face make such a horrible _~~terrifying~~ _expression. A scar ran across the other Riku’s left eye, and Riku vaguely wondered who was the one to give him that scar.

Riku didn’t really care. All he cared about was ending this: once and for all.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” the twisted version of himself said. He took a couple of steps toward Riku, keeping both hands in his coat pockets. “I admit, it’s refreshing to actually see you for once.”

Riku summoned his keyblade, clasping his hand tightly around the familiar hilt. The comfort of having a weapon back in his hand grounded him, allowed him to think clearly.

“I heard a lot about you too,” Riku said. His voice shook, but it steadily rose in volume as he continued. “I’ve learned about what you’ve done. To Sora. To Namine. To everyone!”

The older Riku frowned and crossed his arms. “I would say that it was nothing personal… but that would be a lie.”

Riku’s hand shook, and he forced himself to stay steady. “Well, lying is what you do best, isn’t it?”

Riku’s counterpart didn’t even looked phased by this. As a matter of fact, he smiled lazily and said, “You would know, wouldn’t you?”

He did know. Riku knew how easily lies fell from his lips. Another part of himself that he reviled. Running forward, Riku raised his keyblade, ready to stab his darker version in the heart.

They both knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

The other Riku twisted to the side and grabbed Riku’s wrist so tightly that it _burned._ Riku bit back a scream of pain.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” the monster asked him, “How weak you are?”

Riku twisted his wrist out of his other self’s grasp with a sickening crack. His wrist now felt like fireworks had exploded inside it. Riku switched hands to hold his keyblade in, blinking back tears of pain.

He could’ve used heal. He didn’t.

“If I’m weak, what does that make you?” Riku hissed through the pain, “A coward?”

Yellow eyes flashed dangerously, but Riku ignored the thrum of fear in his chest. Instead, he pointed his keyblade toward the monster in front of him.

“ _Thunder_!”

As dark lightning descended from the sky, dark Riku dodged out of the way in a blink. Suddenly, the monster was right in front of him. Riku instinctively stepped back. Then, he lunged for the man’s stomach.

The monster blocked, shifted, and aimed a slice toward Riku’s legs. Riku only _just_ managed to shuffle out of the way. Wrist screaming in pain, Riku blocked another blow aimed for his head.

“Good to see you’re not completely helpless,” the twisted version of Riku sneered, pressing down harder, “But you’re putting your talents to waste.”

Riku struggled to stay on his feet as he blocked and dodged each strike. His other self was barely breaking a sweat, and Riku knew the truth. His enemy was _playing_ with him. If this version of Riku wanted to take him out, Riku would be dead in a second.

“You have no idea,” Riku gasped, “how many times I’ve had this conversation.”

Riku jumped aimed a strike toward the other Riku’s head. The other Riku blocked and pushed Riku back.

“Oh yeah?” A crooked smile appeared on the other Riku’s face. “Always resisted the dark for your light? Because let me tell you a secret.”

With a deafening clash, Riku blocked another strike. He wondered if his wrist was going to even be functional after this. Then, he remembered that he didn’t intend on leaving this alive.

His enemy leaned in.

“The light isn’t so good either,” he whispered, “You can pretend all you want, but things have never been black and white.”

Every breath was starting to wear Riku down now, but he didn’t stop fighting. He _needed_ to kill this man.

“Take our brother, for instance.” Riku froze, and his keyblade clattered out of his hand. The man in front of him laughed, pointing his keyblade lazily at Riku. “That got a reaction! What’s the matter? Are you afraid of the truth?”

Riku didn’t say anything. His heart battered against his ribcage, and he forced himself to steady his breathing. Whether these symptoms were from exhaustion or anticipation, Riku had no idea.

“You know Sora?” Riku flinched at the mention of his friend’s name. “You know what he did?” And suddenly, the older Riku’s voice shifted. No longer was it smug. Instead, it became a smoldering rage. “He _killed_ our brother.”

Time stopped. Riku couldn’t even hear the sound of his own ragged breathing. Oh wait. That’s because he had stopped breathing.

Sora killed his brother _._ It made sense. If what Kairi said was true, Riku’s brother became a raving maniac. If Sora had to resort to killing, obviously the situation had become very bad.

“That’s why you killed him?” Riku breathed out. And suddenly, the memory of Sora’s death, the memory Xigbar had forced him into, beat against his skull. “He was your best friend!”

“And so was my brother!”

Despite the obvious rage on his enemy’s face, the other Riku’s hand did not shake as he held the keyblade to Riku’s throat. Not like Kairi’s did.

Riku couldn’t stand this. Why wouldn’t this _monster_ see sense? “Your brother left you when you were fourteen!”

Riku’s counterpart smiled bitterly. “You’re finally starting to get it.” He scowled. “All anyone ever does is _leave,_ and _take,_ and _hurt.”_

Riku stared at those yellow eyes and saw the broken fractals. He saw the pieces that were lost when his mother died, when he thought Sora had left him, from when the police wouldn’t believe a thing he said. And apparently, from when his brother died.

He looked how Riku felt.

Riku understood. He understood so much that he was terrified of himself. But he also understood that wasn’t true. People did care.

“So that gives you the right to leave, take, and hurt back?!” Riku asked angrily.

“I can’t imagine that Kairi’s been treating you well,” the dark Riku said suddenly, “It must be so _frustrating,_ being blamed for crimes you never committed.”

Riku refused to let himself be startled by the sudden shift in the conversation. He refused to allow himself to be surprised by the surprising amount of insight coming from this man.

“Maybe it is,” Riku admitted, “But who’s fault is that?”

The other Riku did not seem perturbed by Riku’s statement. “I wouldn’t treat you unfairly. I could help you.”

Riku’s mind was racing. He couldn’t do anything if the older Riku’s keyblade stayed on his throat. If he could convince the man to lower it, maybe Riku could summon his own keyblade. That would leave him with a tiny window, miniscule really, but it might be all he needs.

Riku let out a shaking breath. He needed to make this look convincing. “How?”

The older Riku smiled maniacally. “I could help you grow stronger. You wouldn’t need anyone with me by your side. We can be like brothers.”

“Brothers.” The word slipped from Riku unintentionally, filled with longing. The one thing he always wanted. The one thing he could never have.

A biological brother Riku never knew. A friend that kept leaving him, however unintentionally it may be. A mentor that was so far out of reach.

The keyblade on Riku’s neck lowered incrementally. “Yes,” the other Riku breathed out, “Brothers. Just you and me. Imagine it. Imagine how much we can do.”

Riku could imagine. He could imagine the destruction and chaos they could sow together. The idea made him sick. Still, he forced himself to speak.

“I can imagine it,” he said, “You won’t leave like the rest of them?”

_Just a little lower…_

The older Riku’s keyblade was nearly pointing at the ground now. He placed a hand on Riku’s shoulder and squeezed so tightly that Riku knew it was going to bruise.

“I would never leave.”

Lies. So many lies. Maleficent’s poison all over again. Promises of staying, manipulation at every turn, the carving of a perfect little soldier.

Riku wasn’t someone’s plaything.

The pain in his wrist was still searing, and Riku’s head was getting lighter by the second. Too much time standing in too much pain. Riku was going to act fast, or he was going to collapse on top of the monster in front of him.

Riku positioned his hand in the right position, went to summon his keyblade—

The older Riku twisted away, grabbing Riku’s good wrist (the one holding his keyblade) and twisting it behind Riku’s back. Riku’s keyblade slipped out of his hand. _Again._

“Disappointing,” Dark Riku tutted, “but unsurprising.”

“How—” Riku grunted, biting back another cry of pain as Dark Riku twisted his arm more painfully behind his back.

“Simple,” he whispered, “ _I am you.”_

Riku heard a scream. It wasn’t his own.

“Namine?” Riku choked out. Riku glanced down to see Dark Riku’s keyblade being pulled out from his stomach. He had stabbed Riku.

“Oh, look we have company,” Dark Riku drawled, “How inconvenient.”

The pain came suddenly, and Riku dropped to his knees. His stomach felt like a mixture of an inhuman punch and an amplified papercut, if that made any sense. Blood poured out freely, but Riku didn’t try to stop it. Instead, he dragged himself toward his evil form and grabbed him by the ankle.

Namine was standing over there, looking frozen in horror. And it wasn’t the Namine that had been sending him glares for weeks. It was _his_ Namine. What was she doing here? She was supposed to be _safe_.

Panic overtook him. He wanted to shout, to scream at her to run, to leave him, but he could barely do anything at all. Darkness was closing in on the corners of his vision, and it took everything he had to weakly cling to his enemy’s ankle.

Dark Riku growled and kicked back, smacking Riku in the nose with a crack. Blood was now pouring out of his nostrils, and Riku’s grip loosened even more.

Namine had freed herself from frozen horror and was running toward Riku, pointing her keyblade at him.

 _“Heal!”_ she called out.

Namine was new with her keyblade, and her spell only stopped the nosebleed, lightened the pain in his wrists, and slightly healed the stab wound. Still, anything was better than nothing, and Riku practically sagged in relief.

Namine sprinted forward, but Dark Riku stopped her, pointing his keyblade at Riku’s head.

“Don’t move,” he snarled.

Namine froze. Riku forced himself to stay conscious.

“Get out of here.” He tried to shout, but it only came out as a hoarse whisper.

Namine said something, but Riku could barely make it out with the ringing in his ears. He knew he was going to die. It was going to happen soon.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

And then there was a flash of pink, an angered yell. Gentle hands grabbed him, screaming for him to stay awake. The green magic of a cure spell, a strange jerk, and then…

Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAH, this chapter was SO hard to write! Okay, it wasn't like _super hard, but trying to write two characters in the same scene with the _same name_ is exactly as hard as it sounds. _
> 
> _Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Comfort will probably be in the next chapter._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you happy now?!” Lea shouted, causing the girl to jump, “Are you happy?”
> 
> Kairi looked up at Lea with a mixture of shock and fear. “What—”
> 
> Lea spun around and punched the wall, which only caused him to let out another cry as his wrist seared in pain.
> 
> “Riku’s probably dead,” Lea said coldly, “Are you happy now?”

Lea was mad. No. Mad was an understatement. Lea was absolutely furious.

Even _that_ was an understatement.

They found no sign of Riku _anywhere._ At this point, anyone sane would probably safely assume that he was dead.

Lea _really_ didn’t want to assume that, but it didn’t stop his brain from betraying him anyway.

_He’s dead. He’s dead because you couldn’t stop him. He’s dead because you screamed at him all those weeks ago._

Lea was furious, and he wasn’t only going to pin it on himself.

The minute they got to the Mysterious Tower, Lea stormed up the stairs, every step he took feeling like thunder. Upon reaching Kairi’s room, he slammed open the door.

“Are you happy now?!” Lea shouted, causing the girl to jump, “Are you happy?”

Kairi looked up at Lea with a mixture of shock and fear. “What—”

Lea spun around and punched the wall. His wrist seared in pain, and Lea let out another shout of pain and frustration.

Lea took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. He couldn’t lose control.

“Riku’s probably dead,” Lea said coldly, “Are you happy now?”

Kairi’s face became blank, and Lea had no idea what was going through her mind. “So, you didn’t find him, then.”

Lea sputtered. “You’re sure as hell we didn’t find him! If we found him, maybe we wouldn’t be having this conversation!”

Kairi scowled. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know, an apology would be a great start,” Lea said sarcastically.

“I’ve already mourned for Riku,” Kairi said, “I don’t need to do it again.”

A horrible was pushed into the forefront of Lea’s mind. “Did you… want this?” Lea asked, horror creeping into his voice.

“What do you mean?”

“Did you want Riku to seek out our Riku? Did you want them to kill each other?” Lea pushed his fingers through his hair, trying to calm himself. It wasn’t working.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kairi snapped.

“Then why else would you scream at an emotionally scarred teenager about the crimes of somebody else?”

“There’s still time for him to turn. I was reminding him of what he could become,” Kairi said quietly.

“Reminding him—” Lea began pacing around the room. “Kairi, you don’t really believe that.”

“Fine,” Kairi said, her voice hardening, “I was scared. I saw him holding Sekai and I panicked. He already killed Sora, and I didn’t want him to hurt Sekai too.” She clenched her hands into fists and looked away from Lea. “You have no idea how hard it was not to run him through with my keyblade.”

“That’s no excuse,” Lea said harshly, “So you’re upset. You couldn’t have just walked away?”

“I wasn’t thinking!” Kairi exclaimed, clutching her head like she had a bad headache, “I wasn’t thinking, and he kept looking at me like _I_ was a monster, but _he’s_ the monster, and—”

Lea gently grabbed Kairi by the shoulders. “Kairi, he’s seventeen! He’s so _young._ ”

Riku was a kid, despite how much effort he put in trying to hide it. He sought out approval like it was life itself. He smiled when Kai said something extra ridiculous. He enjoyed the taste of chocolate and was afraid of thunderstorms.

Riku was a kid who aged too quickly too soon.

Tears were beginning to pool in Kairi’s eyes. “I was fourteen when this all started,” she said, her voice cracking, “Five, if you really think about it.”

“That doesn’t change anything,” Lea insisted, “You can’t-you can’t disregard the feelings of others because you’re hurting too.”

Kairi blanched, and the tears began rolling down her cheeks. “I know,” she whispered, “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Here’s what I think,” Lea said, “I think you’ve been letting this fester. So, you are going to talk about this with Aqua daily. You can’t blow up like this again.”

Kairi nodded and let out a shuddering breath. “Yeah, I think that’s probably a good idea.” She gave Lea a wary glance. “You’re still angry at me, aren’t you?”

“Angry? No, I’m furious,” Lea said, shaking his head, “But you’ve admitted you were wrong, and that’s the first step any of us can take.”

Riku had better still be alive. At least then he can hear Kairi’s apology in person.

Every step was agony as Namine forced her feet forward. Her shaking arms struggled to carry Riku, who she had lifted onto her back.

Blood swam in her vision as she pushed forward in the forest. There had been so much of it. Blood soaked Riku’s shirt, it was on Riku’s face, it was on his hands.

There was dried blood on Namine’s hands, too, but it wasn’t her own.

Namine had cast a few more cure spells, but they were weak, and she wasn’t sure if they had done anything more than minor repairs.

If Namine didn’t find help, and soon, Riku might die.

Namine couldn’t let that happen, so she had heaved Riku onto her back and started carrying him through the forest.

Namine had no idea where she was. The evil version of Riku had managed to infect the Star Shard with darkness right before she took off, so it was out of control now. Namine had to drop it and leave it behind. It was useless now.

But now she was in the middle of nowhere, and she had no idea where she was.

Riku let out a low groan. Namine winced at the sound.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered, her voice straining as she continued onward, “I’m getting help. You’ll be in good shape soon enough.”

Riku didn’t say anything in reply. Namine hadn’t really expected him to.

After another hour of walking, Namine thought she might collapse from the exertion until _finally_ she heard voices.

Namine slowly walked toward the sound of the voices, praying that they wouldn’t fade away into nothingness before she could reach them.

Thank light, Namine reached them on time.

A group of four men, a couple of them probably only a few years older than Riku, were riding through the forest on yellow birds. Namine felt like she had seen the birds before, but she couldn’t recall what they were called.

That didn’t particularly matter at the moment.

“Help!” she called out to the men, hoping that one would hear her before they rode far out of hearing range.

The one with glasses stopped his bird and looked in Namine’s direction. Namine thought she might collapse with relief.

“Just a moment, Noct,” the glasses man said, “It seems we may have to take a detour.”

The one with black hair—Noct, Namine assumed—turned his bird around and rode toward the glasses man, who was now getting off of his bird.

“My name is Ignis Scientia. My companions are Noctis, Prompto, and Gladiolus. How may we assist you?” glasses man asked. He gave Riku a concerned look. “Does it by any chance have anything to do with your unconscious companion?”

 _Or maybe it as the blood that we’re both covered in,_ Namine thought to herself, mildily hysterically.

Namine nodded and put Riku on the ground as gently as she could. “He’s hurt,” she said, her voice hardly louder than a whisper, “He needs help.”

“Wow,” Prompto said, “He looks—" Noctis jabbed him with his elbow. “—r-really hurt. Yeah, really hurt.”

Namine wasn’t stupid. She knew that wasn’t what Prompto intended to say. Still, she didn’t particularly care at the moment. Right now, all she was concerned about was getting Riku healed.

“You can say that again,” Gladiolus agreed.

“Now is not the time,” Ignis pulled a bottle of something out of thin air. Magic. “This is a curative,” he told Namine, “It will not undo all of the damage, but hopefully it will bring your friend closer to health.”

Namine watched in fascination as the potion was crushed over Riku’s injury instead of drunk. It was much stronger than any of Namine’s heal spells, and the stab wound now looked half healed. Already, Namine could see some more color flow into Riku’s cheeks.

“Night is falling,” Noctis said, looking back up at the sky, “We should probably get to a Haven.”

“Excellent decision,” Ignis said, “Gladio, if you would.”

Namine let out a small squeak when Gladio picked Riku up. Gladio smiled at Namine. “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”

“You can ride with me, madam,” Ignis told Namine as he mounted the bird. Namine cautiously took Ignis’s hand and climbed up onto the saddle. She grabbed his shoulders after she was properly seated.

When the bird started running, Namine yelped and tightly hugged Ignis from fear of falling off.

They reached a strange rock with glowing runes. This must be the “haven” they were talking about.

Namine only watched as they set up the camp. She wasn’t sure what else she was supposed to do. When camp was set up, they put Riku on a mattress in the tent and put a blanket on top of him.

“When do you think he’ll wake up?” Namine asked quietly.

“Hard to say,” Ignis said, “We’ll just have to wait patiently.”

It wasn’t until they were all seated around the campfire, eating a delicious meal that Ignis had made them, that Namine noticed.

Noctis looked _a lot_ like Riku. Not even a lot. Noctis looked almost _identical_ to Riku.

Namine tried to ask him about it, but all she got was some flushed faces and short responses. She gave up on asking about it after that.

Still, she couldn’t help but to wonder if Noctis and Riku were related in some way. Not that it mattered. Right now, the only thing Namine truly cared about was Riku waking up.

When Namine heard a faint moan coming from Riku’s tent, she leapt up and sprinted inside.

Riku was moving around, let out some faint groans. Namine rushed over to him. Bright teal eyes met her own.

Riku was awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I wrote this chapter like three weeks ago, but I didn't like it, so I've been putting off posting it. I fixed it up into something I'm a bit more happy with today, so hopefully I'll be able to start posting every other week again. 
> 
> I love Final Fantasy characters and so I am going to use them damnit
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [Tumblr](https://mollypollykinz.tumblr.com/) now! Check it out if you want.


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